王榆鈞

"Next to Nothing," Paul Bowles, 1975
李三沖（譯）

最初是泥濘與喘息的聲音，
沒人確知我們身在何處。
當我們發現，
時間已太遲太遲。
現在除了註定發生的事什麼也不會發生。
然後我孤獨一人，而且這不重要。
因為到那時候什麼也不重要……

我們以為有別的路可走。
黑暗將會待在外頭。
我們不是它，我們說，它不在我們心中…


有一陣子生命走在比較光明的路上。
我們仍舊喝湖中的水。
桶子打上深水的冰涼與甜美。
那一年到處唱著這首歌，一段荒謬的疊句：
都只因為它似乎那麼長，但又像不是。
都只因為它似乎有好多年，
但也許只有一年。


當樹在那裡的時候我喜歡它們在那裡
而現在它們已經消失。

要離開的時候我們走環繞沼澤那條路。
我們正要開始走，潮水已上漲。
有另一條路，但路太高難以到達。
所以我們在此等待，而一切還是老樣子。


有很多話我想對你說
在你走之前，而現在我永遠不會說了。

雖然燈光溢向陽台
在同樣的地方投下同樣的影子，
只有我看得到它，只有我聽得到風
而且它太過喧嘩。
這個世界充斥著言語。原諒我……


At first there was mud, and the sound of breathing,
and no one was sure of where we were.
When we found out, it was much too late.
Now nothing can happen save as it has to happen.
And then I was alone, and it did not matter.
Only because by that time nothing could matter….

We thought there were other ways.
The darkness would stay outside.
We are not it, we said. It is not in us….

There was a time when life went along brighter line.
We still drank the water from the lake,
and the bucket came up cold
and sweet with the smell of deep water.
The song was everywhere that year, an absurd refrain:
It's only that it seems so long, and isn't.
It's only that it seems so many years,
and perhaps it's one.

When the trees were there I cared that they were there,
and now they are gone.

On our way out we used the path that goes around the swamp.
When we started back the tide had risen.
There was another way, but it was far above and hard to get to.
And so we waited here, and everything is still the same.

There were many things I wanted to say to you
before you left, and now I shall never say them.
Though the light spills onto the balcony
making the same shadows in the same places,
only I can see it, only I can bear the wind
and it is much too loud.

The world seethes with words. Forgive me…