http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/cat_553539.html おまとめローン外貨預金 zh-tw Roodo Blog System All Rights Reserved i only feel jealous when she throw herself to him and he didnt reject
but i feel better now

(繼續閱讀...) ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7745191.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7745191.html ├ 日記 三番市 Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:50:07 +0800 i'm the third one since i'm here every week
sometimes just a little bit
sometimes, like tonight, it is a serious drunk.

當你醉飄飄的時候
你表現最沒有限制跟顧慮的自己
那個當下你會沒有限制的做你一直想做的事
所以我可不可以說那是最真實的自己
在那個情況下
平時清醒時一直猶豫的事情
在那個情況下變得清楚不已
所以說不定那是個知道什麼是自己最想要的時刻

傻了
也不知道這個想法對不對
life is hard
especially when u didnt prepare it well and you wanna achieve something in your life
that is hard, more than hard

i'm stubborn, now i learn a little bit of how to loose myself
i think i can try to find the balance, start now

i'm after something
and when i'm drunk, i believe it and i believe i can do it
i like this feeling
i mean, once u believe, u can make it easily than when u dont believe it.
i dont want to believe in myself only when i get drunk.........

記得現在的感覺
即使再痛苦的事情不久過後都只是雲煙
值得回憶的跟沒什麼好回憶的
想要跟相信的事情
沒什麼能阻止你達成
你自己才是你的敵人
如果這一刻我這麼相信自己
那麼沒有什麼好在清醒時不相信的

等我回到那裡
我也不會是同一個自己
是一個被響了一巴掌後清醒的自己
不在那些不會有結果的情感裡擾亂思緒
在那些應該要拋開感覺就往前衝的地方往前衝
我想不到
至少在這一刻想不到
有什麼大不了的
到底有什麼大不了不能放棄他
到底有什麼大不了會覺得做不到

只是我自己在擾亂自己罷了
明天後天會是新的一天
深呼吸然後跳
要跳了要跳了
跳下之後就是沒回頭的游
我還挺喜歡這折騰的 ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7674319.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7674319.html ├ 日記 三番市 Sat, 22 Nov 2008 17:16:43 +0800 really amazing

at the time i just decide to make a change of my life
my fortune cookie is (well, actually he choose for me)
"DONT MESS UP ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY"
ok....i see

and tonight
i was really frustrated about feeling isolated
i didn't laugh during the dinner
well... i wasn't the million laugh
but no one noticed anyway (lucky)
tonight my fortune cookie is
SMILE

"WRINKLE ONLY MERELY INDICATE WHERE SMILE HAS BEEN"
ok
i'm so childish
i let my mood to spoil the dinner
stupid girl for stupid reason

girl
time to grow up ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7625009.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7625009.html ├ 日記 三番市 Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:27:02 +0800 i dont mind because it looks like it

i dont need to persuade someone because i'm not going to change my mind without any support.
The only thing i need to make sure is myself.
either way, i have to struggle
i will still feel painful during this period
even more, maybe
but dont try to tell me i'm doing wrong
because if i'm gonna to believe you
i'm not going to make it really right
are you trying to make me fail?
are you trying to make me normal?
i'm not
and i'm not you
you and most of people may choose the same thing
but see what did i done when i try to choose the same thing
it never works for me

there is no right way or wrong way
at least not for me
there is only effective way
and what is my effective way to achieve things?
happy
keep in faith of myself

i'm not going to be an accountant
even i'm
there are still a lot of way to achieve it
I may sound stupid
but did you ever succeed of telling me what to do?
i never really do what you want actually
and every time, when i try to do that
i always fail.

i believe my decision is right
yours is also right
but not suitable for me
i just gonna to do it in my way
i'm sorry if it means selfish
but i dont care if i'm selfish
i have to survive
in my way

i'm sorry if i let anyone down
but i feel more sorry about myself if i let myself down
i got friends
they may as stupid as i'm
but what they say is not wrong
and those are exactly what i want to do
i just afraid if i'm gonna to do that
i have to carry more sin on my shoulder
but that is the way to grow up, right?

I didnt succeed last time
not because i made a wrong choice
it is because I became lazy and i didn't did what i promise
the wrong thing is i didnt keep my goal
because i know there is somewhere i can go back
and i became careless
i gave myself excuse to be lazy
i'm alone
that is really easy to become lazy
above all, the choice itself still fine, i just lost my chance last time

am i going to fail and lose another chance this time
it depends on me
you can not guide me or teach me
because i can always find a way to escape if i dont want to do that
if it is wat i want to do
i will do it, and do it well, you know that
i just need to keep the through in my mind.
this is wat i want, and i want to do that. everything is gonna to come true in my way.
so, the best thing you can do for me is to cheer me up
tell me i can
tell me that it'll be the most wonderful thing to do
makes me believe
don't make me wondering
you know how much i get confuse when people try to confuse me
help me to believe myself
dont tell me i can not achieve it
it is horrible to tell someone that "are you sure you can do that?"
wat the fuck
i can fail 100 times but i just need to succeed 1 time
isn't that a good reason to run for?

to be safe in 100 times cant compare to succeed just in 1 time
to experiment 100 times, then i will get something wonderful
even i cant get anything wonderful
at least i learned
to do the safe thing for 100 times
after 100 times
i will only know 1 way to live my life
because i never try other ways
in this case, 100 times equal 1 time
it means nothing


(繼續閱讀...) ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7509539.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7509539.html ├ 日記 三番市 Tue, 04 Nov 2008 15:03:45 +0800 struggle with h/w for 5.5hrs
我感到再度消沈

昨晚不應該再把話題掀開來的
給人家造成麻煩了
昨晚入睡前感到很後悔
i think i got a nightmare
i meet him and his gf, his behavior is totally different from there days
我不知道這個夢是來自潛意識的什麼想法
是距離他越來越遠的恐懼嗎?

大概下午5點半我感到再度消沈
一半是因為功課有點多
一半是因為功課內容是要我挖自己感到不舒服的東西
一半是因為還在後悔昨晚鬧情緒
我想睡覺
但是我知道睡覺是一種逃避
而最近的課題就是避免逃避

直到真的很不舒服了
睡了2個小時

醒來後世界好像脫了一層面紗
擔心的事情變輕了
決定不擔心,決定降低標準看來是是很有用的方法,而且簡單

這是第一個禮拜覺得可以不用回去
這是第一個禮拜覺得跟美國人hang out可以不用那麼恐怖
這是第一個禮拜想泄恨所以不回去,但又怕被遺忘,又怕被討厭.....

我最愛的roommate gonna go back
無論如何要見她最後一面

我做的決定不是讓自己輕鬆
事實上從現在開始要準備面臨更難的課題
下個學期的情境會比現在更struggle
只是我非常非常樂意面臨那個struggle
總覺得那個struggle無論如何比這個struggle好
也許我只喜歡一次處理一個問題
也許我喜歡prepare more than practice....(shit)
也許我只是需要有人陪(但one day they gonna leave anyways)

至少這一刻
我很冷靜
而且可以開始解決問題

發現自己在不開心時,就會想開始做決定,通常.都會做一些笨決定
發現自己在開心時,就會想要處理問題,即使也需要做決定,也絕不會做出笨決定
我需要一個fence,在任何時刻可以分離我的不開心情緒,或是讓我感到開心

如果老師跟我說我會是一個很有趣的character
還真不知道該喜該憂
那代表有太多conflicts in me.....

吃太多憂格
肚子咕嚕咕嚕叫 ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7462581.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7462581.html ├ 日記 三番市 Wed, 29 Oct 2008 15:20:47 +0800 Hess mention there are two kind of people
one believe in signs, one believe in luck
I guess i'm the kind who believe in signs.

i always live my life with my instinct and feeling
usually there are signs telling me what is right or what is going to happened
according to the signs
came to U.S. is a right decision.
only one thing goes wrong, my emotion
my emotion is fine now

i hope i'm making right decision
we will see
at least i'm trying to make sure ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7462227.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7462227.html ├ 日記 三番市 Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:23:12 +0800 聽日本的廣播
心情很平靜
日文聽力有一點點退步
喜歡的類型還是亞洲類....(是嗎....)

(繼續閱讀...) ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7330829.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7330829.html ├ 日記 三番市 Wed, 08 Oct 2008 12:13:17 +0800 "What is that, 只是裝悠閒的假品味吧"
那不是我想要的爵士
這樣想著

現在還是有著這樣不知道哪來的bia
但是現在這是最能讓我靜下心來的東西

我在iphone裡裝了pandora.com
本來想找有沒有日本歌的
找到了Japanese Song Radio
裡面都是cozy的Jazz, BOSSA NOVA居多
這個station裡卡歌的機會較少
另外會聽的是Reel People Radio
偶而會聽Big Band / Swing
我很愛swing,但一大早聽還是有點容易飽
想要找像ピンポン soundtrack那樣的音樂,不過找到的有點混亂,卡歌次數很多
明明應該是電音COOL但是竟然有巴西爵士....

可能是我比較熟悉這個環境了
可能我比較願意待在這裡了
每週有一個像爺爺奶奶家的地方逗留
大部份時間可以一個人過,或是跟不熟的朋友hang out.試著找到適合的朋友

現在在聽Big Band / Swing

在沒有隱私的房間裡,音樂變成很好的私人屏護罩

btw, my hair is red now. ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7284155.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7284155.html ├ 日記 三番市 Fri, 03 Oct 2008 15:08:01 +0800 >試著體會美國生活>>變成太懶跟太封閉的處理方式 還是想吃東西,但是不想一個人跑去餐廳,也想不到哪間外帶有好到讓我想出門... (雖然pizza我就很願意走出門買....) 所以吃冷凍食物,加奈子偶而吃日本泡麵,總是吃沒有配料的Macaroni 那真的不好吃吧? 偶而用她過大的茶杯喝日本茶 留在餐廳講講話,大部份時候都很專心的念書 kanako.....我想見見她.... 相反的,franck就一定會找人出去吃飯 自己吃也無所謂 從TT thai買外帶也無所謂 我沒看過他吃冷凍食物 也許因為那是一個"錯"的選擇(笑) 今天我吃的東西,跟2個半月前,我來到美國前兩個禮拜是一樣的 在pharmacy買過肥的muffin, 窺視不該買的冰淇淋 努力辨識各式各樣不精緻的商品(當習慣日本藥妝後,美國商品就像大潤發...) 吃最便宜的冷凍食物 心情小小的複雜但是還算平靜 對於這個城市微不足道的小事情開始在意 朋友都還是點頭之交 所有的事都有點害怕,有點不確定 但是知道慢慢一切會變好 希望2個月後,一切會像我剛到美國的第二個月般完美 ....不過只是希望... 像米蘭說的, golden age已經過去了 這是我們希望跟討厭的事實 那段時間真的很美好 我期待只要我不在他們的生活就沒那麼美好 當他們還是一起出去時(廢話,又不是沒有我就活不了...),會很忌妒 當知道他們不再像以往一樣的時候,又開心又覺得難過 這種小惡魔在心裡滋長 不是因為我而改變,是因為已經到了改變的週期 我們不需要那麼熱中的認識對方 還有很多更需要更重要的事 急著抓住什麼的心情也安定下來了 這個時候還可以保持熱情待人的人,真的很了不起 連franck都不太一樣了 變成半個gentleman,...等等......嗯....大概是半個 不需要要求自己多做些effort,因為該想要的差不多有了 the time l left is like tooooo perfect so it makes me too hard to leave but it is still perfect, I think. even i made a lot of troubles (sorry my friends) but I'm still here above all, I'm getting fine now.... ]]> 我的行為模式變得像7月第二個禮拜
開始能靜下心
開始能接受這個街道
做一些不是很像自己的事,試著去找到可以讓自己變回自己的管道

加奈子總是吃冷凍食物,我不懂為什麼
雖然我也是這樣
吃冷凍食物的心情從很特別的嘗>>試著體會美國生活>>變成太懶跟太封閉的處理方式
還是想吃東西,但是不想一個人跑去餐廳,也想不到哪間外帶有好到讓我想出門...
(雖然pizza我就很願意走出門買....)
所以吃冷凍食物,加奈子偶而吃日本泡麵,總是吃沒有配料的Macaroni
那真的不好吃吧?
偶而用她過大的茶杯喝日本茶
留在餐廳講講話,大部份時候都很專心的念書
kanako.....我想見見她....

相反的,franck就一定會找人出去吃飯
自己吃也無所謂
從TT thai買外帶也無所謂
我沒看過他吃冷凍食物
也許因為那是一個"錯"的選擇(笑)

今天我吃的東西,跟2個半月前,我來到美國前兩個禮拜是一樣的
在pharmacy買過肥的muffin, 窺視不該買的冰淇淋
努力辨識各式各樣不精緻的商品(當習慣日本藥妝後,美國商品就像大潤發...)
吃最便宜的冷凍食物

心情小小的複雜但是還算平靜
對於這個城市微不足道的小事情開始在意
朋友都還是點頭之交
所有的事都有點害怕,有點不確定
但是知道慢慢一切會變好

希望2個月後,一切會像我剛到美國的第二個月般完美
....不過只是希望...
像米蘭說的, golden age已經過去了
這是我們希望跟討厭的事實
那段時間真的很美好
我期待只要我不在他們的生活就沒那麼美好
當他們還是一起出去時(廢話,又不是沒有我就活不了...),會很忌妒
當知道他們不再像以往一樣的時候,又開心又覺得難過
這種小惡魔在心裡滋長
不是因為我而改變,是因為已經到了改變的週期
我們不需要那麼熱中的認識對方
還有很多更需要更重要的事
急著抓住什麼的心情也安定下來了
這個時候還可以保持熱情待人的人,真的很了不起
連franck都不太一樣了
變成半個gentleman,...等等......嗯....大概是半個
不需要要求自己多做些effort,因為該想要的差不多有了

the time l left is like tooooo perfect
so it makes me too hard to leave
but it is still perfect, I think.
even i made a lot of troubles (sorry my friends)
but I'm still here
above all, I'm getting fine now.... ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7266873.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7266873.html ├ 日記 三番市 Tue, 30 Sep 2008 12:10:46 +0800 牡丹

不知道是不是超酸的紅酒還在作祟
也許熱水澡加溫了她的揮發

今天是很香醇的一天

因為認識了兩個完美的法國男人
我開始想知道在他們眼中的完美女人
是怎麼樣的
哪個國家的男人會這麼寵愛自己國家的女人
(問台灣男人台灣女人怎樣....答案決不會是一樣的)

結果
身為法國女人沒有什麼難的
就是寵壞自己所有想做的事
所有在意的事做得有分有吋
哪個女人不愛這些東西
只是我們被教導收斂跟矜持
不可以失分寸,不可以任性
事實上如果法國女人很迷人(我沒見過很想見識)
大概是她們不管我管的任何一套

牡丹和咖啡,想使壞時需要一點酒精幫忙,她永遠有用.
下輩子有機會我會想當法國女人 ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7143459.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7143459.html ├ 日記 三番市 Tue, 09 Sep 2008 15:46:47 +0800 那些顧慮又回來了
我做事又要經過再三考慮了嗎?

不是我得趕快找到方式改變,就是我需要更多酒精......

Something happened to me, just like what happens to mona....... ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7081213.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7081213.html ├ 日記 三番市 Mon, 01 Sep 2008 01:32:01 +0800 我想我未來宿舍的冰箱也會是這樣

我想在我來這邊之前
我有100條rules要遵守
現在我大概只想遵守5條
but it is hard, u know
to break your rule
to break what you are
so.....you need some alcohol......

I need to pack.
and I hope I can write my blog on my new phone!!!!!!!!!

btw, to be drunk is bad when you want to pack your baggage.....
it makes everything SLOW..... ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7081053.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7081053.html ├ 日記 三番市 Mon, 01 Sep 2008 00:47:57 +0800 I'm already at the edge of drunk
I remember last night
the movie
It looks like i have two screen
It was OK
because I already saw the movie "One night in the museum"

The drunken me is more cuter than normal me
Because the normal me have too many rules....

I need to pack my baggage now.

I hope I can go to San Diego or Las Vegas with them
And I think I will fight for it!!!!

OK....I start to feel dizzy now, very good!!
I hope I can see franck before I leave ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7081031.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/7081031.html ├ 日記 三番市 Mon, 01 Sep 2008 00:41:44 +0800 (繼續閱讀...) ]]> http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/6590623.html http://blog.roodo.com/swing/archives/6590623.html ├ 日記 三番市 Sun, 27 Jul 2008 04:05:58 +0800