SWING RAN!! ラジオ

25歲,無知,意志薄弱
審視自己過後發現25...喔不,....將近26年的價值觀都錯了
不相信自己,不相信別人
所有的感情都以交易對待
你給我多少
我給你多少
不敢給多,怕你逃跑
結果常常是少給....錯得更離譜,跑得更遠了
因為害怕所以不敢行動
只有我知道這是因為害怕
對別人而言
只是冷漠
真傻

已經走到人生第一個quarter才認知到這種事
是不是太晚了
(是的)
希望現在改進還來得及....

逃離痛苦的方法是


專注到另一件事



這是最快的方法
只希望不是每件事都只用逃離解決

什麼是adaptation的下一步?
脫殻？
我想我還沒到那個境界
總之這跟自然有關
越接近自然
越接近根性
似乎越好

Adaptation 1
失去記憶
沒有過去的拉扯,前進就會順利點
說實話過去有什麼重要的
該學到的拿到就好
其他那些顛三倒四不管就好了
沈迷在看似美麗的黑暗裡很過癮
但是如果想要adapt
那就是反作用力
"Adaptation is a profound process, Means you figure out how to thrive in the world.
It's easier for plants because they have no memory.
They just move on to whatever' next"

Adaptation 2
認清自己
click
你不是世界的中心
世界的中心是世界自己(或是自然這回事)
你的中心,最好是你自己

沒有辦法成為世界的中心或是別人的中心
至少可以變成自己的中心


...繼續閱讀

呼
呼
呼

整個學期我只記得tracy(導演課老師)說的一句話
You have to loose yourself to fine yourself

自從到這邊之後
我的確想要找到我自己
而我的確也徹底的讓自己loose掉
loose得越多
的確也開始找到更多
但是真的找到以後能幹什麼
世界會變得更美好嗎?我懷疑

看完A Christmas Tale後
第一次真的覺得也許一輩子也不會了解自己,why bother?
第一次有黑人跑來搭訕,害我覺得berkeley很危險
說到這,我非常非常討厭那些把女性無知當成可愛的傢伙
說什麼"你知道什麼最棒嗎?她不聰明"
聽到這種話我就熊熊一肚子火
一概不想接近這種傲慢的廢物
用女人來滿足自己薄小的虛榮心
這種男人很好得手
幸好不是我的菜
真是讓我不爽到極點
今晚那個黑人也是如此,吃過一點亞洲女生的甜頭就stick on亞洲女生
hate! hate that!

我不是女性主義者
但我也不在乎我是不是了

she is so so cute
wanna hug her!!!!
ohhhh. god
if i can have a girl, i wanna this kind

today is the day for return
he said i look relieved..
i hope it is not because i'm away from my duty but i can finally facing my future

i heard from evans that the new charlie kaufman's film just released
synecdoche new york
i was so exciting, it will be the first time to see his work on big screen.

i need to make a study plan
"HOW TO IMPROVE 27 POINTS ON TOEFL IN 3 MONTHS"
,"including making a short film..."

i was planing to see it by myself
i didnt care if there is anyone gonna see with me
i mean i believe the story gonna work on me, but i dont know the others

i'm glad that they r willing to watch with me without i ask
i was really flattered

but while the movie start, i began to worry, it is really hard to understand
not just the language barrier, also the style
i was so worry that they feel wasting money because of me, but u know what,
i can't concentrate of the movie, so i think i dont want to care about them, i have to focus

and then i cried
great, i got my interpretation of the story i really really enjoy it
if they can't feel anything from it, i dont care....i hope they will, but at least i do
so i was really happy that they like it, of course not all of them
but i'm glad that now i know what kinda taste they have, then i can manage more in the future

he seems really like it
even we got different perspective but he got almost 80% same idea as me
i'm glad that they feel interested about it, it is really a good movie
i wonder how evans gonna to see it.......

anyways, i'm going to see man on wire
i hope he can come with me, i kinda feel he is going to like that
but he is not kinda person who willing to spend money on movies
so never mind, i dont want to put any expectation on him anymore
he is also egoistic, (which is normal and maybe good)
sometime i dont like it
so i think it is a good chance to calm down my feeling:)

anyways
i'm really happy that i saw the movie on big screen and i'm happy he likes it
it is good to find someone who can share interest
but i also realize he got opposite way from me of living our life

now i know what i feel
i dont want to lost that is why i'm still try to compete against her
that is so stupid
i just dont want to lost but does it matter? what will i get if i win?
so stupid, i will just hurt myself no matter win or lose

i got to focus on myself and try to please, to invest and love myself.
see u
i got to make my study plan and maybe make a plan of "how to love myself more"

i should stop my name swing.....
i'm really swinging
whole my life

這個早晨
蜘蛛無聲無息的爬過我的眼前
沒有預警的侵略
無聲無息的威脅

非常準確
這個房間在今天之後將會住進一個大威脅
我想這棟房子沒有我之後
將會變得不堪入住

至少我是這樣希望的