SWING RAN!! ラジオ

today is the day for return
he said i look relieved..
i hope it is not because i'm away from my duty but i can finally facing my future

i heard from evans that the new charlie kaufman's film just released
synecdoche new york
i was so exciting, it will be the first time to see his work on big screen.

i need to make a study plan
"HOW TO IMPROVE 27 POINTS ON TOEFL IN 3 MONTHS"
,"including making a short film..."

i was planing to see it by myself
i didnt care if there is anyone gonna see with me
i mean i believe the story gonna work on me, but i dont know the others

i'm glad that they r willing to watch with me without i ask
i was really flattered

but while the movie start, i began to worry, it is really hard to understand
not just the language barrier, also the style
i was so worry that they feel wasting money because of me, but u know what,
i can't concentrate of the movie, so i think i dont want to care about them, i have to focus

and then i cried
great, i got my interpretation of the story i really really enjoy it
if they can't feel anything from it, i dont care....i hope they will, but at least i do
so i was really happy that they like it, of course not all of them
but i'm glad that now i know what kinda taste they have, then i can manage more in the future

he seems really like it
even we got different perspective but he got almost 80% same idea as me
i'm glad that they feel interested about it, it is really a good movie
i wonder how evans gonna to see it.......

anyways, i'm going to see man on wire
i hope he can come with me, i kinda feel he is going to like that
but he is not kinda person who willing to spend money on movies
so never mind, i dont want to put any expectation on him anymore
he is also egoistic, (which is normal and maybe good)
sometime i dont like it
so i think it is a good chance to calm down my feeling:)

anyways
i'm really happy that i saw the movie on big screen and i'm happy he likes it
it is good to find someone who can share interest
but i also realize he got opposite way from me of living our life

now i know what i feel
i dont want to lost that is why i'm still try to compete against her
that is so stupid
i just dont want to lost but does it matter? what will i get if i win?
so stupid, i will just hurt myself no matter win or lose

i got to focus on myself and try to please, to invest and love myself.
see u
i got to make my study plan and maybe make a plan of "how to love myself more"