Watching out the English

昨天到CN君那裡喝葡萄牙帶回來的酒，22%的甜酒，喝起來有一種說不出的滋味，跟葡萄牙給我的感覺一樣的陌生。在酒精的催化下講了不少話。臨走前借了日劇「天體觀測」。因為在下雨的街頭吹風等公車等太久，以致於今天喉痛流鼻水打噴嚏。大事全作不成，就西哩呼嚕的把這部日劇給看了。

「全然相信，需要最大的勇氣」，這是這齣戲裡面的經點句。老實說，這齣戲裡這句話到底是什麼意思，我依然不太清楚。但是拿它來想自己的生活，倒也感觸良多。

相信自己，相信別人，溫柔的等待自己改變，堅信自己能作得到，這真的要非常大的勇氣。我是對自己相當沒耐心。

喜歡月之暗面這個詞。Dark side of the moon是那片不被外人看見，但卻需要與之共存的所在，是自己本質的一部份。能面對自己這一部份，就如登陸月球這人類一大步一樣，是一種超越的指標。到底何時願意或怎麼去面對自己的不堪、不能、極限、醜陋？這幾年來好像沒有太大長進。年紀越大，好像越來越多dark side of moon，也越來越不敢去看，去碰觸，最好用語言堆砌出一個完美而全新的世界，在裡面安安全全。通常，日子就可以充滿希望的繼續過下去。

但矛盾的是，這樣不正符合積極生活的法則嗎？如果一直去看自己的月之暗面，難道不也是一種鑽牛角尖？從來不introspect的人是不是會活的更開心更自在呢？

想想有點荒謬。當年被魯迅批判的阿Q，在現代的心理治療師的說法裡，應該是EQ相當高，非常會情緒管裡的人。

只是有時心情不好或遇到挫折時，就會想，騙誰呢？事情就是這麼糟，自己就是這麼爛。有種不想再哄騙自己相信的自暴自棄。

這種時候我通常都會聽一些歌。他們要不就是悲傷到底的歌（如CN君所言，先讓自己痛苦到極點然後再重新開始），要不就是這種「全然相信」的歌。

如果要我列歌單，目前能想到的如下：

1.Drugstore - Say Hello與Sober

Drugstore是一個名不見經傳的小團，要找他們的CD還不太容易。曲風也是有點芭樂，但主唱略微低沈的聲音就是相當能撫慰人心。我尤其喜歡Say Hello這首歌。得分點是曲風輕快，歌詞巧妙，對所有無法社會化的人say hello。很有意思，因為我們好像不會對一個流浪漢say hello。用這麼社會化的行動，對比於所有無法社會化的人。力道頗深。

Say Hello- Drugstore

To all the crazy people who are walking in the rain
To every single young girl who is waiting for a man
And to every desperado who is looking for a friend
To all the lonely strangers who think life is pretty bad
To all the funny people who are really rather sad
And to everyone who likes to have a lot of fun in bed

I say hello
To all the junkies
The sinners and the creeps
I say hello
To all the people in this place
I say hello
To all the drug-heads
The prostitutes and freaks
I say hello
To all the people in the world!

To all the foreign people who are always in a fight
To all the clumsy lovers who can never get it right
And to all the ones I know who’ll never get to see the light
To everyone out there who likes to hang out with the stars
To every man in black and anyone who plays guitars
And to all of you who know that there is human life on mars

I say hello
To all the junkies
The sinners and the creeps
I say hello
To all the people in this place
I say hello
To all the drug-heads
The prostitutes and freaks
I say hello
To all the people in the world!

2.Velvet underground - After Hours

很簡單的一首歌，但非常好聽，無法形容。喜歡的人是相當的多。

(reed)

One, two, three
If you close the door
The night could last forever
Leave the sunshine out
And say hello to never

All the people are dancing
And they’re having such fun
I wish it could happen to me

But if you close the door
I’d never have to see the day again

If you close the door
The night could last forever
Leave the wine-glass out
And drink a toast to never

Oh, someday I know
Someone will look into my eyes
And say hello
You’re my very special one

But if you close the door
I’d never have to see the day again

Dark party bars, shiny cadillac cars
And the people on subways and trains
Looking gray in the rain, as they stand disarrayed
Oh, but people look well in the dark

And if you close the door
The night could last forever
Leave the sunshine out
And say hello to never

All the people are dancing
And they’re having such fun
I wish it could happen to me

Cause if you close the door
I’d never have to see the day again
I’d never have to see the day again, once more
I’d never have to see the day again

3. Stand Up! - The Land of Plenty

http://www.wim-wenders.com/movies/movies_spec/landofplenty/land-of-plenty.htm

由Die Toten Hoson唱

http://www.dietotenhosen.de/en/startseite.php

一時找不到歌詞，若找到再補上

4. Blur - Tender

Tender is the night
Lying by your side
Tender is the touch
Of someone that you love too much
Tender is the day
The demons go away
Lord I need to find
Someone who can heal my mind

Come on, come on, come on
Get through it
Come on, come on, come on
Love’s the greatest thing
Come on, come on, come on
Get through it
Come on, come on, come on
Love’s the greatest thing
That we have
I’m waiting for that feeling
I’m waiting for that feeling
Waiting for that feeling to come

Oh my baby
Oh my baby
Oh why
Oh my
X2

Tender is the ghost
The ghost I love the most
Hiding from the sun
Waiting for the night to come
Tender is my heart
For screwing up my life
Lord I need to find
Someone who can heal my mind

Come on, come on, come on
Get through it
Come on, come on, come on
Love’s the greatest thing
Come on, come on, come on
Get through it
Come on, come on, come on
Love’s the greatest thing
That we have
I’m waiting for that feeling
I’m waiting for that feeling
Waiting for that feeling to come

Oh my baby
Oh my baby
Oh why
Oh my
X2

Come on, come on, come on
Get through it
Come on, come on, come on
Love’s the greatest thing
Come on, come on, come on
Get through it
Come on, come on, come on
Love’s the greatest thing
That we have
I’m waiting for that feeling
I’m waiting for that feeling
Waiting for that feeling to come

Oh my baby
Oh my baby
Oh why
Oh my
X2

Tender is the night
Lying by your side
Tender is the touch
Of someone that you love too much
Tender is my heart you know
For screwing up my life
Oh lord I need to find
Someone who can heal my mind

Come on, come on, come on
Get through it
Come on, come on, come on
Love’s the greatest thing
Come on, come on, come on
Get through it
Come on, come on, come on
Love’s the greatest thing
That we have
I’m waiting for that feeling
I’m waiting for that feeling
Waiting for that feeling to come

Oh my baby
Oh my baby
Oh why
Oh my

5. Coldplay - fix you

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
when you love some one but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

6.Pink Floyd專輯 Dark Side of the Moon http://www.pinkfloyd.co.uk/dsotm/content/setup.html

7. Eels專輯 Electro-shock Blues

電擊憂傷，光專輯名稱就加一百分，更別提主唱E的嗓音

8. 黃小楨 -賞味期限專輯

賞味期限

別離的話語轟隆轟隆
你的東西卻四處散落
希望它們有腳跟你無情的走

氣象預報的雨點灑落
擺在你家的傘請還我
應該是畫清界線的時候

你的東西已擺在 SOGO
寄物箱#13 在地下 2 樓
投進的 20 元是送你最後的禮物

不想給自己見你的藉口
為一把破傘或任何理由
雖然我假扮成垃圾桶偷偷的等候
原來我們不過是罐頭
過了期就不值得保留
但你也知道我從最初到最後

Loveli Sickness

擁擠　吵　煙在臉上飄
喝酒　跌倒　和用力大聲笑
你如此美妙
視線不清　目不轉睛
跌在你嘴角旁彎彎　的微笑
你讓我一個人亂跑
你讓我思緒全搞亂了
怎樣才會讓你知道
it's me me me me me you are looking for

Noisy crowd and tobaco alouds
I truly adore
I said your name and you returned a gaze
I tripped on your smile and nearly broke my neck
clumsy　I was in your sight
cruely　you took my heart away
what shall I do to make you see
It's me me me me me you're looking for
I swear to god we've got to meet again for the sake of our future together
I swear to god we've got to meet again
for the sake of my loveli loveli loveli sickness sickness

9.流氓阿德 - 加油吧！加油吧！

天頂的雲慢慢的慢慢飛　飛過了大海　停惦心底　冷冷的風陣陣的陣陣吹　吹過了高山　送來媽媽的信
你出門在外孤一個　要照顧身體　認真打拼　壞事情不要作
若是給人欺負吃虧的時候　的時候　記得媽媽常說的那句話　加油吧!加油吧!
半夜的雨下得我無法入睡　想著孤單的我自己一個　眼淚親像雨水那麼多　落在棉被　用來寫信
媽媽妳交代的話　我會記在心底　何時還能撒嬌一回
無論日子多難過　困難有多少　我會永遠記的那句話　加油吧!加油吧!
雲停惦心底　思念那麼多　風冷冷的吹　眼淚寫的信

10. John Coltrane - Good bait  

11.巴哈

不管是平均律、郭德堡變奏曲或是大提琴無伴奏都頗能鎮定神經。如果心理很苦說不出來，聽尖銳的小提琴無伴奏頗好，琴聲會拉扯著你的神經，好像要說出什麼來卻說不出，那種拉扯是一種釋放

12.Keith Jarret科隆音樂會

每次聽到他開始發出悠悠的鳴叫，就會覺得很振奮，很開心