實在有點搞不大懂這個樂多朋友是用來尬麻的啊？？
不過我還是很好奇每天又會有誰不小心連到這裡來就是了.....

剛剛讀了聯合報的娛樂新聞，驚訝的發現有文章在討論金馬獎的評審不公，所以今年大陸影片都入圍，台灣影片都落選。我不是要漏自己人的氣，但是我真不知“不能說得祕密“是在哪裡好看？我看不到五分鐘就全身不舒服的雞皮嘎搭都起來，我先生更是一分鐘都不能忍受！桂綸美我是很喜歡，但是我覺得大概是劇本寫的太詏口了，看她裝甜蜜蜜的樣子我就全身不舒服，比起藍色大門裡差太多了。周董的音樂魅力無人可擋，但電影就.......
為什麼有些人就一天到晚喜歡嚼舌根的道長說短，甚至連真相都不清楚，為什麼不多花時間檢討自己加強自己，看看別人哪裡做的好！哎！這些話就連寫出來都覺得八古，可是偏偏為什麼就是有人這麼不爭氣的讓人實在不知說什麼才好呢？？？這些記者喔..........哎................

suddenly, i feel so helpless after monday class.
i was mad and shock after that class and i was wondering how my classmates thought...
that guy is a asshole! he couldn't tell what is reality or stage! i can't believe james did not thing to stop him only sat there and yelling at him and seemed he thought that would stop him!

whenever i read newspaper in Taiwan about how director asks actors slap each other on real and over and over again, i am so angry! it seems to me that directors want everything looks so real on their work, so they don't care how much will cost that to make it, they only want the result. so, if an actor can bear the pain, why not let them hurt each other on real! gosh! what a sick idea! here, nobody gets hurt on stage. they have professional people and class to teach you how to make it look like "real"!! teachers always tell us over and over again that never let people slap on your face on the stage for real! actors need to be healthy to do their work. if the slap or the fight is real, probably the actor is already been replaced on the third proformance. directors maybe think "slap" is nothing, but we always hear about some actors said they got hearing problem after the slap scene...

i don't know if i can fight with them by my own... whenever i thought about that is the environment i will face when i go back, i am just so scare and helpless...

that day, finally, i had a long talk with mariosal.
i think she thought i wanted to talk about the english class, but she was totally wrong.
i dont want to continue the class at all.
i just wanted to share with her about how great my new class is.
i think she must be very suprised and felt a little shame about being wrong with me.
anyway, i told her about what i thought about her, too.
i was happy we could have a real talk and i thought she thought so.
sometimes, i feel she is soooooooooo different from the other american.
she is so into her own world that she has no idea what is going on in this world.
she spends so much time on gym to work on her body shape, and she doesn't spend any time to get to know this world.
that's so terrible and sad.
she still gives me a feeling that she is just saying and not doing it.
gosh! sometimes, i just want to shake her very hardly to wake her up.
please seeing this world!!!!!!!!!!
please do something!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maybe i am just too hard on her. everybody has their own pace and way. i have no right to say that she didn't try. as a matter of fact, she did try.
anyway, i am just really hoping she can hold on to herself and go on.
actually, if i were her, i probably have already killed myself.
so, she is soooooooo much brave than me.
cheerio! my friend~

i can't sleep again...
i get to bed later and later...
that's really not good...
although i really feel tired, my mind is still running, running and running...
today i have a fun class...
but i still don't know how to chat with people...
i am being so quiet...
i am afraid to talk to people...
thus, people can feel a nervous aura is surrounded me...
so, they are nervous too...
i didn't feel so bad about this...
i just think since when i have been being like this...
do i am a really self-center person like Hao said...
suddenly, i am bored about my hair style...
i miss me being short hair...

也不知要寫什麼
只是聽到友台 http://blog.roodo.com/mezamashicoffee 放的本日音樂 Lizz Wright " Blue"
就覺得心情Blue起來
好久沒有聽音樂了
以前是沒有音樂在旁我會死的那種
現在是喜歡小鳥在窗外叫遠處車水馬龍和空氣攪在一起的流動聲還有家裡馬桶的流水聲
然後讓陽光把家裡地板床罩晒的熱烘烘
而我
不是看著a serial killer book 就是掛在電腦前繼續糜爛
如果用功點
就是讀plays練唱歌和rehears my scene
這樣悠閒的生活就要在明年一月離我而去了
the question is
can i still go back?

話說那天早早起床準備去看我等待已久的李安大作 "色戒"
搭了一大段車來到upper westside
坐進戲院就想說，靠！星期一大清早的怎麼那麼多人來跟我一起看電影！
心裡一直祈禱千萬不要給我出什麼差錯，拜託讓我安靜看完電影。

結果........

靠！電影才一開始，斜後方兩個死女人就已經開始譏譏咕咕講起話來了。
我馬上回頭說,"Please." 手指頭放在嘴唇上暗示她們
結果呢，人家根本不理我，三分鐘後又開始譏譏渣渣起來
更糟的在後面，我旁邊和前面各兩對媽媽們也給我開始講起話來！

天啊！！！！！

前面的看到王力宏強吻湯唯時還說，“他喜歡她啦“
後！拜託！還用你說啊，這位大嫂！
最後到了劇情重要部份上場時，我想好好感受那種背叛的劇情張力時，後面那對更加狂妄的聒聒拉拉起來
本想說快結束了，忍耐一下，可是終究我還是個直腸子的人，
忍不住轉頭用國語惡狠狠的從齒縫中迸出
你們兩個可不可以閉嘴啊！！！

結果......

繼續講！！！！還嘻嘻哈哈罵我神經病！！！！
oh!my god!!!!!!!!!!!! 我狠想殺人喔！！！
反而是前面和旁邊那兩對被嚇到安靜不做聲到結束
可是已經太晚啦！！！我根本已經氣到無法專心在電影上
see! that's why i don't like to go to theater to see movies anymore!

so, if you want to know how i like this movie, i couldn't tell at all!!!!
i wasted my time and my money just because of those old bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
到了散場時，後面那兩對早就不見人影，旁邊那兩對還偷偷瞄我一下
我那時只想待在位子上回想最後的劇情，要不然真想回頭把那兩個婊子好好臭罵一頓
啊！現在還越寫越生氣！
不寫了！

紐約的old lady bith 真是越來越多了
被她們氣到我都快變成另外一個小bitch
不行不行！
絕對不能被這些沒教養又自以為是又碎嘴的死老女人破壞我多年來的修養！
真是得常常提醒自己要放寬心胸
要不然容貌就會變得跟這些女人一樣
阿豪都說我最近脾氣怎麼那麼壞
沒辦法啊！！
這些死老女人逼我的啊！！！

A sad story... A America Dream broke again...
Two foreign girls came to US to pursuit their America dream and end up one stabbed the other 45 times to death and then hung herself after committed the murder...

i don't know what i should write down. there is too much thought running in my head and i couldn't clear it out and put them in words...people always ask themselves what they can do after a murder which seems can prevent in the very beginning. however, that is always too late for them to discover to notice to realize how serious problem the murderer has and suffered...
what does it feels like to live in completely loneness with no hope no one can help and no one can turn to?

" If your self-esteem is shaky and very narrowly based, such as on intellectual functioning alone, and you are really unsure of your value as a human being, it becomes terribly important to feel there is one person who cares about you. You may take a rejection as clear evidence that you as a person are not valuable, and that might make you enormously angry- soangry you can't deal with it. A primitive response is to destroy that person, or yourself or both. That way the punishment fits the crime, and you also solve the problem- you're not going to be hurt again." by Dr. Catlin from Halfway Heaven