SPUTNIK IN SPUTNIK

用盡了全身的力量哭過以後，到現在仍有餘悸。

但，卻仍未哭到最底…

斷了線，要怎樣才能再連結？

今次的金星逆行造就最大的事，就是推了自己一把去面對潛藏很久而又解決不了的課題。

於是終於在今天吃著花藥見了小巫，跟她說了很多，然後排了很多的鬱了很久的汗。

一直「卡」著的問題，被她一刀切了以後，開始見到深層的問題了。

其實是很害怕一直會困在原地出不去，可是這些日子來都一直猶豫，結果讓自己對痛苦變得麻木，麻木得以為這就是我的全部…

原來我是那樣的在意太后的事，過了去的事，回不了的事，在意別人如何想我，卻忽略了聆聽自己的心。我沒有背叛任何人，卻背叛了自己。

害怕接受這樣的自己。一個自己給自己的包袱…

如果自己的缺點都面對不了，又如果讓別人接受全部的自己？

＊＊＊　＊＊＊

給但願仍有看這裡的那位，

我以為自己可以面對得了，也可以放得下了，但其實我應該比你想像或我自己想像的來得深。

所以我想我還是需要點時間…

我是真的希望我們仍能如之前所講的那樣。只是現在仍未是時候。

搞定了的時候，我們再去吃烏冬吧！

for my reference only...

Chesnut Bud
...is for people who fail to learn the lessons of life. They may repeat the same mistakes over and over - for example, taking a succession of identical office jobs and being surprised to find each one unfulfilling. In other cases, they see others making a mistake and the results that arise, but then fail to apply this lesson to their own lives and go right ahead and make the same mistake themselves.

Gorse
...is the remedy for people who have given up belief that there is any hope for them. It is a far stronger kind of downheartedness than the Gentian state, because Gorse people almost wilfully refuse to be encouraged, so certain are they that their case is hopeless. If ill, they may think of themselves as incurable, or say that they inherited this or that from their families so that nothing can be done for them.