旅人

第一次造訪韓國在十月二十五日和小彰同事...

因為是星期日不願意有勞供應商在周末還出來接我們,所以我打了電話訂了pick up service.
和小彰同事分別搭乘不同的飛機到仁川機場.

我曾在仁川機場轉機到青島有過不愉快的經驗,所以一直對此機場不是有太好的評語.
此次一路從機場到飯店的路上,讓我改觀了些仁川機場的印象. 仁川大橋才剛啟用,好長啊.... 總長二十多公里,跨海洋的長度也有十二公里之長,很壯觀吧!!!更讓我覺得高興的是,我住的飯店是面對此長橋,入住第一晚我還看到了煙火,至少有十分鐘之久,可惜透過大窗戶我拍不下來這難得遇上的美麗.

在韓的第一餐,我們語言不通到了極點...
問了飯店那裡可以吃韓國BBQ,我們選了離飯店最近的一家,走路不到五分鐘就到了,看到餐廳內有小小的標誌上寫著Tourist restaurant,我們覺得應可以放心些,至少語言可以通通...
沒想到,來了個大嬸,完全沒有英文語言能力,兩方比劃半天,完全不通,他不懂我們,我們不懂他,可憐啊!!!
最後,他拿了另一份菜單配上圖片的,哎!為什麼不早拿這份來呢?!
又比了比,我們想想應行吧,點了兩份牛肉的BBQ... 應足夠我們兩人吃吧. 　
哎!! 果然是語言不通,來了滿桌的小碟小碟,完全搞不清如何下手,不管了,就吃吧...
這位大嬸,幫我們烤了第一份BBQ之後,我們也吃完了,另一份牛肉郤遲遲不見他來烤... 等了大半天,我們又叫了服務生比手了半天,以為他聽懂了,另外找人來幫我....
結果他找了一位會講中文的大陸同胞來幫我們,怎麼不早點找他來呢???????
更好笑的是,那一份牛肉是生吃的啊!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 天啊!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life that word is LOVE.
上頭是柿子(persimmon),我看到杯子上頭的文字. 所以我把柿子放在杯上拍下這照片...

When I think you two are going to have vacation together , I just do not feel comfortable .....
What a jerk of me!! You two are couples ,that is so natural to do it...
I do not admit I am the third person , cause I am not ...

I cannot help anything even be a listener cause you do not say it, I can do nothing to make the green card thing to finish quicker , I do not know what it is the best way to support cause you do not say it .
I feel myself going to become the third pressure to you soon ; the job pressure I cannot help ... The marriage pressure you would not listen my advice. This whole feeling I feel I am so helpless.
And I start to worry your physical health , your mental health... How can you handle these pressures?

I have been thinking will it the best support be the silence supporter meaning we should not chat cause it takes your sleeping time , it takes your energy ... when you do not have enough sleeping or rest ... it may cause a lot of risky issues like when you work in the plant it may dangerous.. when you drive it may dangerous...it may easy to get sick... so if we do not chat then you would have more sleeping time ,more resting time ...
No matter what kind of love ...Love is free.... Love is unselfish...Love brings joyfulness.... Love brings sunshine...
Does she know all about your pressures, or this helping thing brings you a lot of unexpecting things ? If she knows , what will she do ? Saying Thanks , Sorry... or asking why you cannot accept her totally ? Or she would cease this ?
Yes... you would not take my advice to tell her about your pain and pressure.
And I really cannot see you are suffering like this...
So would you think it may be a good idea I help you this way let me be a silence supporter?
Cause this is the best solution I can think of ? You can gain more time to sleep and rest; and forcus on job and marriage only.

You will have smile on your face and sweet in the mind when you think of me any time cause I am supporting you every mins.

How do you think ?

I think I am the one should make a decision now. date :2009/10/22

I am asking you how I can help you more... Your replying is so your style...

If we really meet in Nov. , that will be our first and last trip .... You do not give any commitment ; and you are so protecting her what I got it is hurting feeling once and once.
And I feel myself become a evil , become the third person , become one of your pressure...
I do not like myself like this... lost my happiness too.. Do you know that ? Do you care ?
You may a bit that is why you try to keep in touch via emails... Try to come up chat room to say hi ....
This is what I see ....

So I think I am the one should make a decision....
Thanks for giving this cherish time and memory .... I will keep it until death...
You take good care of yourself...
One day we may have a chance to see each other in somewhere then let us say hi to each other...

該是投降了吧!!! 主!!!
我給撒旦打敗了,主!!!
為什麼這麼多異於常人的行為,我覺得我好像在演一齣故事.
也不過是一個簡單的TRIP,也可以這樣讓我心碎...
一般人對於愛人來訪,不是應該欣喜若狂嗎?不是應該想盡辦法請最長的假嗎?
為什麼又丟了一個炸彈,要工作,假不夠,喔感恩節我排好要去度假了...
是老美這樣子嗎? 還是我就只是那只能躲在黑暗花園裡的internet 愛人???
他才剛丟完結婚的炸彈,我的心都尚未能真正平復,不會想好好對待我,
還對我說這些...要工作,假不夠,喔感恩節我排好要去度假了...
我在你心裡的那裡,Hello ???

我連和朋友說的勇氣都沒有了....
丟出了一封把最後尊嚴都放下的信,我沒有再戰的力氣了,我沒有那偉大的母愛了,我心沒有想法了,
我只知道每個失戀,離婚的人在當下都心痛到死,但也都走過來了,所以這是過程了.

是不是當初在寫人生劇本時,覺得曲曲折折才有意思,所以把自己的愛情故事就寫成這般,令自己都搖頭太有戲劇張力了吧!!!
OK,故事應要劃下句點了,在他簽下結婚證書時,所以我露了些字句在我們聊天時,但是還是很有趣和完整的結束我自認為最後一次的聊天.也就在那天下午我寫出了再見的信因為我不願當在婚姻關係中的第三者,不論我懂不懂怎麼會有人這樣簽下那一紙合約,在法律文件上,我是成了莫名的第三者.
他沒有解釋一如他的作風........ 郤也回了信....

接下來的日子的確是不好過,他在其間傳了兩次簡單不過的電子邮件和一個電話簡訊,因為也知那感覺不好受,所以我就FORWARDER了一個邮件到公司信箱去,目的只是希望他好過些;再來到第六天吧,我就自我投降,順著他的一封電子邮件,回了"很想他"字眼的信. 他維持他的冷漠,一字也沒有回我. 我後來知道他那一星期在芝加哥,真正原因不明.

這一星期出差的疲累和處理房屋過戶的事,搞我的心力交瘁,只想大哭一場....心中的不甘心和不懂,也一直浮現出來,兩個轉捩點,讓我決定要再繼續這故事和適時地幫了我一個忙.

再度找上美蓮姑姑做禱告,我想知道為什麼主的安排會這樣作弄我... 主說這是惡者的攻擊,我所失去的,主會另外給我更好的.... 這下可真是激起我的戰鬥意志了,因為美蓮姑姑對我所看到的意象不表懷疑,我也一直這樣認為,那麼我更不甘心輸給惡者的攪擾,所以我要捍衛那原屬於我的,我不能中了惡者的計謀. 在回家的路上,一直盤算著要如何打這一場仗. 因為我不甘心,我也心疼他....

所以我決定傳送給他一封電子邮件,先引起他的回響... 果然他回信了...
接下來的事,真不是我的計畫,明先生打電話向我要了他的電話,待他們說完後,他立即發信要我猜是誰打電話給他..... 我回了信.... 心不再那麼硬...所以我們從那天開始恢復交談....十一月也會碰面...

其實交談後的當天,我的心沒有充滿喜悅,只知道這一場仗要打,不容易.....因為是屬靈的爭戰,我開始多些時間禱告,開始集中火力為這事禱告,也用Tammy教的方法要用十字架的大能隔開他們和保護我們...
再寫了一封信,表示自己的心境和希望,因為這一切只單純的相信他,所以願意握住他的手一起走過這段...
這其間我對我的朋友們坦誠我的決定,有人支持,有人與我斷絕聯絡,有人担心,我之所以坦白的原因,是我不願偷偷摸摸的恢復聯絡,反讓自己更像是第三者,只能躲在黑暗中等待...

這一兩星期,可以看到他的努力,每天上線,告訴我一些當天他所做的事,因為我說我要安全感,因為我說我不會再問這事但是如果有進度時,請向我說說.

我是很集中火力在禱告這事,因為我要借著這事,看到我對神的信實更加堅定,我的神的愛不因這中間的挫折而敗給惡者. 且能贏的最終勝利!