Dear Yvan
“Oh, shit! What have I ever done to you? Shit!
It’s brutal what you’re doing! You could have had your fight after the twelfth, but no, you’re determined to ruin my wedding, a wedding which is already a catastrophe which has made me lose half a stone, and now you’re completely buggering it up! The only two people whose presence guaranteed some spark of satisfaction are determined to destroy one another—just my luck!.....（to Marc）You think I like packs of filofax paper or rolls of Sellotape, you think any normal man wakes up one day desperate to sell expandable document wallets?.....What am I supposed to do? I pissed around for forty years, I made you laugh, oh, yes, wonderful, I made all my friends laugh their heads off playing the fool, but come the evening, who was left solitary as a rat? Who crawled back into his hole every evening all on his own?
The buffoon, dying of loneliness, who’d switch on anything that talks, and who does he find on the answering machine? His mother. His mother. And his mother.”
Yvan是妳最了解的一個人，從這一長段近乎聲淚俱下的表述，妳知道Yvan真的累了。
Yvan很容易喜歡人，喜歡各種朋友。當他喜歡，他會盡己所能地保護他們，以不傷害任何人的方式，小心翼翼站在牆角。
他也有不站牆角的時候。
輪到出場秀時，大家習慣當他是個丑角。他也不羨慕當王的人，當軍師的人，或者當公主的人。他有他自己看世界的方式，而且往往很清楚。「只是沒有人願意脫去自己身上華麗的加冕，和你一起看世界」，妳幫Yvan補上這句。
Yvan連痛苦寂寞也不會拿出來像炫耀收藏品般，較量誰的寂寞佔據世界的幾分之幾。他僅止在房間裡，讓寂寞慢慢吞噬他。睡醒一覺，再拿出氣力，重複他的丑角，他的工作。
「你可以不必把自己搞到這種地步」，一群陌生的聲音插入這個意見，帶點忿忿不平。
妳微笑了，幫剛入睡的Yvan回答：「他從不想讓自己變得進退兩難，當所有人一開始挑選衣服時，他就明白，勢必有人去穿那件滑稽的丑角服。這件衣服代表著，他從此無法盡興地生氣，耍任性，或掌宰生殺大權。他只有想盡辦法讓自己變得好笑，化解以上可能的衝突。久了，憤怒或快樂對他來說，兩者距離並不遠。」
「牆頭草！」又一波洶湧的指認。妳忍不住替Yvan哭了出聲。果然，他不想傷害任何人的心，終究只能回收傷害。
