2008年06月3日

趣談婚姻


人們討論著婚姻的議題. 各式各樣.
我看還是輕鬆的看待它吧. 既不嚴肅. 也無須悲觀.

 兩篇文章皆為轉貼.
 一篇是大陸台勞給的.
一篇來自網路 (翻譯我已略作修改)

Marriage Humor 

 
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
妻:你在作什麼啊?

Husband : Nothing.
夫:沒作什麼。

Wife : 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
妻:沒作什麼?你看著我們的結婚證書,足足有一小時了。

Husband : 'I was looking for the expiry date.'
夫:我在尋找它的有效日期是到什麼時候。 
--------- --------- --------- ----

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
妻: 要吃晚餐嗎?

Husband : 'Sure! What are my choices?'
夫: 當然!我可以選擇嗎?

Wife : 'Yes or no.'
妻:要或不要。
------------ --------- ---------

Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?'
妻:為什麼你經常把我的照片放在你皮夾裡?

Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
夫:當問題發生時,不管有多困難,我看著妳照片就迎刃而解了。

Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you!'
妻:你看我對你有多麼驚人的影響力啊!

Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'
夫:是啊!望著妳的照片我問自己,還有什麼困難比這個來得大呢?
------------ --------- ---------

Stress Reliever Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
女孩:婚後我要分擔你所有的煩惱、困擾,以減輕你的負擔。

Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
男孩:親愛的,妳真體貼,但我並沒有任何煩惱或困擾。

Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
女孩:哦?那是因為我們還沒結婚的緣故。
------------ --------- ---------

Son: ' Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
子:今早我和爹地一起搭車,他要我讓座給一位女士。

Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
母:嗯,你這麼做是對的。

Son: 'But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
子:但是,媽,我當時是坐在爹地的腿上呢。
_________ _________ _________ ____


A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
一位新婚的先生問他太太:如果我父親沒留下巨額財產給我,你會嫁給我嗎?

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, N O MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

女人溫柔的答道:親愛的,不管是誰留下財產給你,我都會嫁給你的。

------------ --------- ---------

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever .
女孩對著男友說:吻我一下,我就永遠屬於你了。

The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'
男孩回道:謝謝您提早警告我。
------------ --------- ---------

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
妻問夫:你最喜歡我哪一點?我美麗的臉龐,還是我性感的軀體?

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor.' 
他把她從頭到腳瀏覽了一遍,回道:我喜歡你的幽默感。



婚姻,愛情與自由
Marriage,Love and Freedom 

 

你會問婚姻與自由可以兼得嗎?

如果你把婚姻不當一回事,你就是自由的;否則,是不可能的。
把婚姻當作一場遊戲吧!
給婚姻加點幽默吧,但不要把它當真,因為婚姻是你人生中必經的階段,它僅僅是一部虛構的小說而已。

但是,愚蠢的人們將其信以為真。
我也看過有的人只是因為小說中的悲劇性故事而滿腔熱淚的讀著。
電影院就很恰當地顯現了這一點。
燈暗了,全場觀眾的關注全在享受影片,盡情的哭笑和悲喜。
打開燈就達不到這樣的效果了。
開燈後觀眾會怎麼想呢?
他們會一目瞭然的指出螢幕上除了投影的圖片外什麼也沒有,不一會兒,就什麼也不記得了。

我們生活中也有類似的事情。
有許多時候,我們會幽默地對待,但同時也會嚴肅地面對,正因如此,我們惹上了不少的麻煩。

第一件事就是,你為什麼不結婚呢?
你愛著某個人,和某個人住在一起,這是你的基本權利。
你能和他人一起住,也可以愛著某個人。
婚姻人人都可以得到的,你所需要的僅是一名牧師。
如果你想進入社會,同時又不顯出了獨立和清高,那就就得使你的妻子或丈夫明白婚姻只是一場遊戲而已。

「千萬不要把婚姻當成一回事。我會像婚前一樣保持獨立,你也一樣;我不會介入你的生活,你也休想介入打亂我的生活,但這樣做不是使它變成一種負擔。
春天一逝,我們的蜜月就此終結,我們沒有必要假裝蜜月仍然存在。
雖然彼此訴說著感情的深厚,珍貴,但,畢竟春天已逝。
我們的愛已走到了盡頭,儘管有些傷感,又不得不分離,因為在一起已不是一種愛的表達。
如果你愛我,我要離開你,因為我的愛在此刻已不再是愛,而是一種憐憫;如果你愛我,我要離開你,因為你的愛在此刻已不再是愛,而轉而成為一種禁錮。」

愛是人生最高的價值表現,因為它不受限於繁文縟節。
愛之於自由是密不可分的,你不能任選其一。
人們都知道自由中充滿了愛,愛也可以時刻釋放出自由。
如果不能給你愛的人自由,那麼你可以給誰自由呢?
給與愛的自由不過是建築在信任上罷了。

無論你婚與否,請記住:所有的婚姻都是騙人的----僅僅是為了社交方便而已。
婚姻不是使彼此相互束縛,而是幫助彼此互相成長。
成長需要自由,然而,在過去的年代裡,所有的文化都不了解如果沒有自由,愛就不復存在。

你看到陽光下的小鳥在飛翔,看起來美極了。
你經不住誘惑,將它抓住並關在金絲籠裡。
你會覺得籠裡的鳥還是原來的那隻嗎?
表面上看起來並無兩樣,然則不是,因為天上飛的那隻鳥享受著無盡的自由,籠裡的這隻呢?
這隻金絲籠對你來說可能十分珍貴,而小鳥卻一眼看出它一無是處;自由飛翔才是它惟一的寶物。
自由對於人類來說也是同等的重要。 

 

You are asking, "Is it possible to be married and to be free?"
If you take marriage non-seriously, then you can be free.
If you take it seriously,then freedom is impossible.
Take marriage just as a game -- it is a game.
Have a little sense of humor, that it is a role you are playing on the stage of life; but it is not something that belongs to existence or has any reality -- it is a fiction.

   But people are so stupid that they even start taking fiction for reality.
I have seen people reading fiction with tears in their eyes, because in the fiction things are going so tragically.
It is a very good device in the movies that they put the lights off, so everybody can enjoy the movie, laugh, cry, be sad, be happy.
If there was light it would be a little difficult -- what will others think?
And they know perfectly well that the screen is empty -- there is nobody; it is just a projected picture. But they forget it completely.

    And the same has happened with our lives.
Many things which are simply to be taken humorously, we take so seriously -- and from that seriousness begins our problem.In the first place, why should you get married?
You love someone, live with someone -- it is part of your basic rights.
You can live with someone, you can love someone.Marriage is not something that happens in heaven, it happens here, through the crafty priests.
But if you want to join the game with society and don't want to stand alone and aloof, you make it clear to your wife or to your husband that this marriage is just a game:

"Never take it seriously.
I will remain as independent as I was before marriage, and you will remain as independent as you were before marriage.
Neither I am going to interfere in your life, nor are you going to interfere in my life; we will live as two friends together, sharing our joys, sharing our freedom -- but not becoming a burden on each other.
And any moment we feel that the spring has passed, the honeymoon is over, we will be sincere enough not to go on pretending, but to say to each other that we loved much -- and we will remain grateful to each other forever, and the days of love will haunt us in our memories, in our dreams, as golden -- but the spring is over.
Our paths have come to a point, where although it is sad, we have to part, because now, living together is not a sign of love. If I love you, I will leave you the moment I see my love has become a misery to you. If you love me, you will leave me the moment you see that your love is creating an imprisonment for me."

  Love is the highest value in life:
It should not be reduced to stupid rituals.
And love and freedom go together -- you cannot choose one and leave the other.
A man who knows freedom is full of love, and a man who knows love is always willing to give freedom.If you cannot give freedom to the person you love, to whom can you give freedom?
Giving freedom is nothing but trusting. Freedom is an expression of love.
So whether you are married or not, remember, all marriages are fake -- just social conveniences.
Their purpose is not to imprison you and bind you to each other; their purpose is to help you to grow with each other.
But growth needs freedom; and in the past, all the cultures have forgotten that without freedom, love dies.
You see a bird on the wing in the sun, in the sky, and it looks so beautiful.
Attracted by its beauty, you can catch the bird and put it in a golden cage.
Do you think it is the same bird?
Superficially, yes, it is the same bird who was flying in the sky; but deep down it is not the same bird -- because where is its sky, where is its freedom?

   This golden cage may be valuable to you; it is not valuable to the bird.
For the bird, to be free in the sky is the only valuable thing in life.
And the same is true about human beings.



The New Approved Symbol of Marriage



從今天起。人權委員會終於批准了這個最新的國際婚姻標誌,
經過5年熱烈的辯論以後, 產生的格言是  "我接受你.與你所擁有的全部信用卡"
這句格言現在將被寫入所有婚禮。

The Commission of Human Rights has finally approved this latest International Symbol of Marriage, as of today.

After 5 years of very heated debate, the phrase "I accept thee and all thy Major Credit Cards" will now be written into all marriage ceremonies.


XXXXXXXXXX

人能否在毫無親密關係的情況下共同生活而不彼此傷害?
無愛的關係,真的反而能得到徹底的自由?
這種自由,真的是釋放?
還是心靈傷害的最極致?
電影「親密」就是探討這個問題。
電影「親密」中的親密關係.

The Marriage Meme .
Here are 8 things about my marriage.
Some of this may be a little redundant from my 100 things post, but I will try and elaborate a bit.
關於我婚姻有八件事。
裡面有一些也許與我貼的100 件事有一些小小的出入, 但我將嘗試和將詳盡闡述。


good morning!!
待續!!


Posted by non_non1 at 樂多Roodo! │00:16 │回應(9)引用(0)愛情是甚麼東東
樂多分類:愛情 共同主題:愛情的真相 工具:編輯本文
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non,先謝謝妳的MAIL!

雖然那是婚姻裡很重要的一環.但是,對於男人的生物機制而言,如果把他想成是『動物』!也許我會釋懷一些...

記得以前夫曾和我開過玩笑,他下輩子想當『種豬』!祝福他吧!!

『無論你婚與否,請記住:所有的婚姻都是騙人的----僅僅是為了社交方便而已。
婚姻不是使彼此相互束縛,而是幫助彼此互相成長。
成長需要自由,然而,在過去的年代裡,所有的文化都不了解如果沒有自由,愛就不復存在。』

我喜歡這段話!但是我不明白,為什麼在婚姻中,我幫他脫離了家庭(父母)的束縳?!但我卻成了替死鬼?!

我現在也當他是親人...心裡平靜許多...
Posted by tpc to NON at 2008年06月3日 07:35
表面看你的確是替死鬼. 不過也快要去投胎了啦.

看你有時還陷在死胡同中. 找點輕鬆的話題給你開心一下 (但可能也沒效. 哈)

我覺得那個讓位的笑話好好玩啊!!

還會再貼一些...
Posted by non to tpc at 2008年06月3日 14:07
non,我必須承認,「新發現」真的像毒瘤般,我還在和它戰鬥著...我無法無動於衷...雖然,那是別人的故事,但它讓我覺得一個如此親近的人,怎麼變成那麼陌生!!

但是,我早已經學會的是--該笑的時候!我還是會開懷地笑著.真正快樂地笑著...

謝謝妳的『趣談』婚姻,這樣的心情真的讓人感到輕鬆許多!

以下是光明右使的部落格中的有關夫妻間的笑話,妳以前也貼過!上星期,我才寄給想當種豬的男人...
(我喜歡許願井的笑話!!而那個快樂時光,我才剛說給爸爸聽過,他應該非常懷念媽媽閉上嘴巴不碎唸的時光吧!)

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at
the front door,
who do you let in first?
如果你的狗在後門吠,而你的妻子在前門大喊大叫,
你會讓那一個先進來?

The Dog of course...at least he ll shut up after you let him in!
當然是狗,至少它進來後會住口。


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

三個孩子

A couple had three children.
Two of them were bright, smart, and handsome but the third child was dull,
ugly, and backward.
一對夫婦有三個孩子。
有兩個特別聰明和英俊,可是第三個孩子卻很醜很笨。

One day the hubby got suspicious and asked, Tell me the truth, dear.

Is this third child really mine?
一天,丈夫很懷疑地問:"坦白說,親愛的,老三真的是我的孩子嗎? "

Yes, dear, replied the wife, but the other two are not.
"是的,親愛的。"妻子答道:"可是另外兩個不是。 "


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

妻子的三項優點

When a bachelor marries,
his wife has three qualities she is an economist in the kitchen, an
aristocrat in the living room and a devil in bed.
一位單身漢新婚時,妻子有三項優點:
在廚房她是經濟學者、在客廳她是貴族、在床上她是惡魔。

After a few years, sure enough the three qualities remain,
but not in the same order she is an aristocrat in the kitchen, a devil in
the living room and an economist in bed.
若干年後,這三項優點依然存在,可是秩序有點變動:
在廚房她是貴族、在客廳她是惡魔、在床上她是經濟學者。



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

許願井

A couple came upon a wishing well.
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
一對夫妻來到一座許願井。
丈夫靠過去,丟下一個硬幣,許了個願。

The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell
into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled and said, It really
works!
妻子也打算許個願。可是她靠的太過去,掉下井,被淹死了。
丈夫呆了一回,然後笑著說:"真靈驗。 "


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

結婚周年


I asked my wife, Where do you want to go on our anniversary?
我問太太:"結婚周年紀念,你想去那裏? "

She said, Somewhere I have never been!
她說:"那裏都好,只要是我沒去過的地方。 "

I told her, How about the kitchen?
我說:"廚房怎麼樣? "


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

快樂時光


During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, Do you
remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn t talk
for an hour?
在二十五周年紀念時,一位太太提醒她的丈夫:
"你還記得你向我求婚的那天,我被打動得無法說話長達一小時? "

The hubby replied : Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life.
丈夫回答:
" 是的,親愛的,那是我一生中最快樂的時光。 "


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

手拉手

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
我們時常都手拉手。如果放開,她就會去購物了。
Posted by tpc to NON at 2008年06月3日 16:42
這些笑話. 除了第一則. david 曾經問過我們. 其他的我怎麼都沒聽過? (健忘症? )
光明右使與我都有貼她們嗎?
Posted by non to tpc at 2008年06月3日 20:53
NON
好久沒來留言了~

很爛的無名小站,把yogo的帳號reset,所有文章都消除掉了...

也許,真的代表老天希望yogo遺忘所有在yogo身上發生的事情,就當一切不曾存再過一般...

只是很可惜,有些有參考價值的文章,全部付諸流水啦~

anyway,來和你打聲招呼

最近飛來飛去的,很難得上網看看你的文章,希望你一切都好~
Posted by yogofun at 2008年06月3日 21:55
non,可能是我的記憶錯置吧!前一陣子重看妳以前的篇幅,印象中是在其中某一處看到的啊...

yogo,前一陣子發現妳的網站連接不上去了,還以為妳已消失~曾有些許感傷,有一天,當電腦網路當掉or錯亂時,這些友人不就也失散了嗎?!(但人生也許就是這樣吧!連親人都有離散的一日!)
Posted by tpc to non&yogo at 2008年06月4日 07:51
哈. 雲裡的霧~~
yogo 的精彩文章不之有沒有備份? 真可惜啊.
當電腦網路當掉or錯亂時,這些友人不就也失散了嗎。
==>是啊. 我也常為一些緣起緣滅所困惑.
Posted by non to tpc & yogo at 2008年06月4日 09:48
根據人類學的研究,最早的人類社會是沒有婚姻制度的,婚姻是為避免爭奪遺產才產生的,到現在,對很多人來說,婚姻,只是單純的一場交易,也因如此,才有如此多的笑話趣聞。
Posted by 加菲貓的媽 at 2008年06月4日 22:23
The Chauvinistic View
http://www.merlinsilk.com/2007/03/12/the-chauvinistic-view/

Indeed, most ancient societies needed a secure environment for the perpetuation of the species,a system of rules to handle the granting of property rights, and the protection of bloodlines. The institution of marriage handled these needs. For instance, ancient Hebrew law required a man to become the husband of a deceased brother's widow.
http://marriage.about.com/cs/generalhistory/a/marriagehistory.htm
Posted by non to 加菲貓的媽 at 2008年06月5日 14:11