OBSERVER

我本來想用中文
把Philadelphia trip 痛剿一頓 並決心再也不坐美東飛美西這種會把人搞瘋的航線
But I read an article today, and I want to share it with u.
http://blog.yam.com/shaneonme/article/23931037
內容主要是Madonna 在MTV awards裡對Michael 講的一段話
The Queen of Pop 不僅描述了我眼中的這個人，也說出了我一直感到很難過的點
我覺得她真的很有種。I admire her for that.
His death, 帶來一種無法言喻的痛和反省。那是關於人性。

The thing is... I don't know when and how did this world become so cool and careless?
What we do everyday, including myself, is just caring our own business
And truly, most of them are nothing important. just routines.
我真的不認為生活、生命，該是這個樣子。

I know, we r all busy
but exactly, busy for what?
到底在忙些什麼? 又在急些什麼呢?
而在做了這麼多、完成了這麼多
除了可以拿出來用的專業和亮出來的成績
I feel very empty inside.

During his trial, 我抱持著中立的立場，我認為，不管你多有名，法律之前人人平等
司法還給了他清白。但媒體沒有。世人也沒有。
我不懂那些八卦雜誌及杜撰子虛烏有故事的人
how do they sleep every night? 她們靠吸血為生
她們不在乎她們的謊言傷害了誰，they don't give a shit. All they can see is MONEY.
而看了這篇文章，我也忍不住問自己
How come, I have never written a letter to him, to tell him that he is not alone during the darkest time for him.
儘管，他可能不會看到。 但我根本沒有做。
我12歲時或許會這麼做。但當時我22歲了，滿腦子只有社團和男朋友。而且我也不再那麼天真。諷刺的是，it is the innocent mind, that he cherished most.
所以即使我參加了Army of Love, to show him my support in Taiwan around 2004
But it's cearly not enough. It's too formal. It's not from the deepest part of my heart.

還有這幾年
這次去美國，我更明顯的感受到，這幾年在醫院工作下來，不僅變的世故、社會化，而且對週遭、對這個世界亦變得十分漠然
以前，在機場或飛機上，我還會和外國人聊天，了解對方的背景文化
現在，我只想趕快把事情弄完趕快滾回台灣
身為一個醫生，理應有能力可以做更多的事情，有更大的貢獻
但我感覺我幫助一個人，只是因為我是醫生，這是我的反射動作。我習慣了。並非我真正關心這個人。我幾乎已經忘了關心一個人該是什麼樣子。
But this man, no matter where he goes,儘管他總是被層層包圍因此被層層隔離，他總是會設法做些什麼，especially to those who are poor and sick. He is very very generous.
But, 這世界給了他什麼?
As fans, 我們期待著新專輯、期待著演唱會、期待新花招
As critics, 不是錦上添花不然就是尖酸刻薄的批評
As media, holy shit, 她們只懂得媚俗
好。我們現在終於可以好好地緬懷他。好好地看看他的貢獻。
只因為，炒作死人是不道德的。於是一群人又開始讚揚他，好似他們一直以來都是這麼說這麼做的。
Honestly, during his darkest hours, 有誰出來幫他講過幾句話?
對一個已經死去的人，我不知道什麼樣的紀念不是too late?
當然, he has to take part of the responsibility himself. 因為他一直很神秘。沒人敢很肯定的說什麼。
他在1993年才第一次接受了訪問(by Oprah), 但不管他說了什麼，大家還是寧可相信那些沒腦的八卦報導。
When he was proved innocent in 2005, nobody said, sorry we misunderstood u. sorry we made story of u. sorry we trusted those stupid gossips.
Jesus, he is a human being. He has a heart too. He is a father. 人們從不需要去考慮他小孩的處境嗎? 他母親的感受呢?

Everytime I listened to the song " I'll be there"
This is the song Michael sang when he was 12, and Mariah Carey sang it as a tribute and missing to him on his public funeral ceremony
I couldn't stop my tears falling down. I always remember him saying "I only sang what I meant. If I don't mean it, I cannot sing it". He said it when he was still a kid.
I wasn't sure the reason why I couldn't stop crying, but possibly,
Was I really there?

--------------------------------
I couldn't sleep
so I got off from bed and watched MTV Award on youtube
It began with "Thriller"
一群身著各種Michael造型的舞者從舞台底下躍上舞台 開始跳起幾段很經典的舞蹈
from Thriller, to Bad, to Smooth Criminal
(it's a wise choice to skip Billie Jean, it's too classic, so 任何一個人跳都會很怪)
Pink and Beoynce像個小歌迷在台下興奮不已 (well, it's true that they are his fans 2)
舞者後方的大銀幕上撥放著該MV的片段
也就是說 舞台上是現代紀念版，螢幕上是Michael原版，舞蹈是同步的
這些舞者真的很年輕有活力
如果Michael還在 他也51歲了 再怎麼樣也不可能跳的像這些小夥子一樣
But watching the young generation doing his dance, 真的很感動
you can feel that his music and dance 如何深植美國流行音樂文化 影響著後代 啟發無數人
And then, Janet登場了
she performed "Scream"
表演當中，有一段MV裡她們兄妹共舞的鏡頭
於是，Janet巧妙的站在舞台左方，大螢幕上Michael則是剛好投射在她的右方
so they dance together, 在不同的時空裡
watching that scene was just..................................heart breaking........
妳知道，那個位子，是空的。
我們 再 也 只能從 螢幕 上，懷念他的一切

As Madonna said at the last,
yes, he is a human being
and, he IS the KING. So unique, So original, So rare.
Nobody could ever do the same as he did. The power of that charm. It's magic.
It's a bit late, but Michael, you are not being forgotten.