OBSERVER

每到新學年
便會有一批人走 又有一批新的人進來
辦公室的座位就會整個大搬風
而辦公室，是除了床之外，待最久的地方
幾年下來，自然囤積了不少東西
據說規定要在這個週末前搬完 雖然從來也沒人在鳥什麼規定的

從倫敦回來後 我就一心想在十月開始前完成這件事
於是就利用了一個下午 把東西搬完
然後這兩天
便陸續聽到 "超厲害" "超猛" "搬的超快" 之類的話
有兩個人甚至提出要幫我簽一天的床 只要我願意幫她搬位子
其他人則是說要請我吃飯之類的
(X的...原來這是我的專長...難道我真的入錯行了嗎???)
其實 我不過是急躁+沒耐性+喜歡一股作氣把事情做完罷了 (怎麼念書都沒有這種魄力...)

要把我的東西搬到新位子是還好
但要幫位子原主人，把他"爆多"的家當收到箱子裡
真的是超累的 (我無法想像他要如何搬回家)
搬完之後我真的覺得我再也不要搬了!!!!!!

Anyway, 9月的最後一天
很神奇的突然間又不用去金門後
接下來要迎接的 是簽床的十月 被call爆的十月
但讓我最worried的
是每個禮拜一到禮拜五 早上七點五十分"準時" 坐在會議室的"寶座" 開始電人
這對一個向來不愛參加摸咪的人來說
你知道有多困難嗎???????
如果有好吃的早餐 或是要出去玩 或是眼睛睜開有個帥哥睡我旁邊
要我多早起都可以
但meeting這種東西
即便遲到可能會變黑我都還可以不出現
"一個月準時參加morning meeting"，真是太艱鉅的挑戰了....... (過去幾年來有嘗試過幾次但紛紛失敗)
該不會一整個月睡不好 只怕隔天會遲到..
而且，以我的knowledge，實在不適合當一個電人的人啊! 我不想坐在那個位子上!
我不要我不要我不要 (拼命搖頭)
我需要MORNING CALL 我需要MORNING CALL 我需要MORNING CALL ~~~

1. 關於交通，地鐵站設lifts而不是escalator絕對有它的道理，不要自作聰明走樓梯。
2. 松鼠很可愛沒錯，但不笨。餵牠吃東西，要嘛直接丟給牠，請不要逗牠。必要時牠可以飛撲你。
3. 如果我得了什麼怪病，請一定要rule in Cryptococcus.
4. 去劍橋一定要punting.
5. 康橋的美，船夫絕對有加分效果。
6. 如果你想坐冒險海盜船遊康橋，可以選擇和荷蘭國中女生坐一起。
7. 對於荷蘭的國中女生，鴨子及楊柳樹都是可以讓她們驚聲尖叫的事物。
8. King's Hall 不等於 King's college
9. 華人民宿是很好的選擇。
10.去Bar 吃飯。
11.絕對不要碰英國的壽司。
12.坐火車去郊區，四人group可以算兩人的錢!
13.英國的size 4是給小朋友穿的。

曬了太陽
喝了啤酒
吃了葡萄
坐在草地上吹風
可惜沒帶塊大餐巾 不然還可以舒服的躺著看書
很簡單的下午 我喜歡的簡單
可以心滿意足的去倫敦了~

我本來想用中文
把Philadelphia trip 痛剿一頓 並決心再也不坐美東飛美西這種會把人搞瘋的航線
But I read an article today, and I want to share it with u.
http://blog.yam.com/shaneonme/article/23931037
內容主要是Madonna 在MTV awards裡對Michael 講的一段話
The Queen of Pop 不僅描述了我眼中的這個人，也說出了我一直感到很難過的點
我覺得她真的很有種。I admire her for that.
His death, 帶來一種無法言喻的痛和反省。那是關於人性。

The thing is... I don't know when and how did this world become so cool and careless?
What we do everyday, including myself, is just caring our own business
And truly, most of them are nothing important. just routines.
我真的不認為生活、生命，該是這個樣子。

I know, we r all busy
but exactly, busy for what?
到底在忙些什麼? 又在急些什麼呢?
而在做了這麼多、完成了這麼多
除了可以拿出來用的專業和亮出來的成績
I feel very empty inside.

During his trial, 我抱持著中立的立場，我認為，不管你多有名，法律之前人人平等
司法還給了他清白。但媒體沒有。世人也沒有。
我不懂那些八卦雜誌及杜撰子虛烏有故事的人
how do they sleep every night? 她們靠吸血為生
她們不在乎她們的謊言傷害了誰，they don't give a shit. All they can see is MONEY.
而看了這篇文章，我也忍不住問自己
How come, I have never written a letter to him, to tell him that he is not alone during the darkest time for him.
儘管，他可能不會看到。 但我根本沒有做。
我12歲時或許會這麼做。但當時我22歲了，滿腦子只有社團和男朋友。而且我也不再那麼天真。諷刺的是，it is the innocent mind, that he cherished most.
所以即使我參加了Army of Love, to show him my support in Taiwan around 2004
But it's cearly not enough. It's too formal. It's not from the deepest part of my heart.

還有這幾年
這次去美國，我更明顯的感受到，這幾年在醫院工作下來，不僅變的世故、社會化，而且對週遭、對這個世界亦變得十分漠然
以前，在機場或飛機上，我還會和外國人聊天，了解對方的背景文化
現在，我只想趕快把事情弄完趕快滾回台灣
身為一個醫生，理應有能力可以做更多的事情，有更大的貢獻
但我感覺我幫助一個人，只是因為我是醫生，這是我的反射動作。我習慣了。並非我真正關心這個人。我幾乎已經忘了關心一個人該是什麼樣子。
But this man, no matter where he goes,儘管他總是被層層包圍因此被層層隔離，他總是會設法做些什麼，especially to those who are poor and sick. He is very very generous.
But, 這世界給了他什麼?
As fans, 我們期待著新專輯、期待著演唱會、期待新花招
As critics, 不是錦上添花不然就是尖酸刻薄的批評
As media, holy shit, 她們只懂得媚俗
好。我們現在終於可以好好地緬懷他。好好地看看他的貢獻。
只因為，炒作死人是不道德的。於是一群人又開始讚揚他，好似他們一直以來都是這麼說這麼做的。
Honestly, during his darkest hours, 有誰出來幫他講過幾句話?
對一個已經死去的人，我不知道什麼樣的紀念不是too late?
當然, he has to take part of the responsibility himself. 因為他一直很神秘。沒人敢很肯定的說什麼。
他在1993年才第一次接受了訪問(by Oprah), 但不管他說了什麼，大家還是寧可相信那些沒腦的八卦報導。
When he was proved innocent in 2005, nobody said, sorry we misunderstood u. sorry we made story of u. sorry we trusted those stupid gossips.
Jesus, he is a human being. He has a heart too. He is a father. 人們從不需要去考慮他小孩的處境嗎? 他母親的感受呢?

Everytime I listened to the song " I'll be there"
This is the song Michael sang when he was 12, and Mariah Carey sang it as a tribute and missing to him on his public funeral ceremony
I couldn't stop my tears falling down. I always remember him saying "I only sang what I meant. If I don't mean it, I cannot sing it". He said it when he was still a kid.
I wasn't sure the reason why I couldn't stop crying, but possibly,
Was I really there?

--------------------------------
I couldn't sleep
so I got off from bed and watched MTV Award on youtube
It began with "Thriller"
一群身著各種Michael造型的舞者從舞台底下躍上舞台 開始跳起幾段很經典的舞蹈
from Thriller, to Bad, to Smooth Criminal
(it's a wise choice to skip Billie Jean, it's too classic, so 任何一個人跳都會很怪)
Pink and Beoynce像個小歌迷在台下興奮不已 (well, it's true that they are his fans 2)
舞者後方的大銀幕上撥放著該MV的片段
也就是說 舞台上是現代紀念版，螢幕上是Michael原版，舞蹈是同步的
這些舞者真的很年輕有活力
如果Michael還在 他也51歲了 再怎麼樣也不可能跳的像這些小夥子一樣
But watching the young generation doing his dance, 真的很感動
you can feel that his music and dance 如何深植美國流行音樂文化 影響著後代 啟發無數人
And then, Janet登場了
she performed "Scream"
表演當中，有一段MV裡她們兄妹共舞的鏡頭
於是，Janet巧妙的站在舞台左方，大螢幕上Michael則是剛好投射在她的右方
so they dance together, 在不同的時空裡
watching that scene was just..................................heart breaking........
妳知道，那個位子，是空的。
我們 再 也 只能從 螢幕 上，懷念他的一切

As Madonna said at the last,
yes, he is a human being
and, he IS the KING. So unique, So original, So rare.
Nobody could ever do the same as he did. The power of that charm. It's magic.
It's a bit late, but Michael, you are not being forgotten.

things are getting better
it stops raining
I can sleep more during night time although I still feel dizzy in the afternoon
I am getting used to the food, and find a good seat for every meetings
I watched abc every evening before I sleep
my senior colleague made a great presentation today , really impressive, and the boss seemed to be very happy~
another one is coming tomorrow
Gee....it must be really stressful...

Two things I have learned from this meeting are 1. I should practice English more, 2. I should do more exercises

it's Taiwan night, with Greek food, lamb and fish and wine
(oh no...I got a little drunk)
and we are going back to Taiwan tomorrow
it's an exhausted trip
but it's good to have some stimulation and some changes
I miss my bed.

I got headache and severe jet lag
my temp was either > 37 or < 36C in the past 2 days
sore neck, sore back, sore knee
it's rainy, and it's cold
I wanna scream on the airplane because it just took tooooooooooo long to fly to PHI
(on the tiny little seat of US airline without music or movies. and the worst of all, I was just not sleepy)

I went to bed at 9~10PM and woke up 2 hrs later no matter how tired I was, and at 2, and at 5, and then I could finally get up and prepared for the meetings
ps, the food was terrible
and just imagine that, after several days, I finally adjust the time here
I am heading back to Taiwan
and the time will become oppisite again.......
and I am leaving to England in several days...another time zone...

ok, it's not my style to complain about this.
I am either getting old or getting sick that this jouney seemed to be so exhausted to me.
btw, the hotel loby is playing Billie jean
and that African Americans' chorus were singing "We are the world" on the opening ceremony
He is everywhere.

星期天頂著大太陽去拜拜
晚上莫名就發燒起來
tracing back the history
早上Cafe裡有個很吵的小朋友 在我旁邊咳嗽
下午吹冷氣睡覺也沒有開很冷
值班在急診有時沒戴口罩
大概就這樣了

我根本不覺得我會得什麼H1N1
不過還是聽從建議乖乖的去驗了一下
即使得H1N1我也覺得還好
真的讓我擔心的是
我不明白為什麼會這樣

好吧 我是個迷信的人
拜拜時被香燙到三次
晚上發燒general weakness and myalgia
I was mentally fragile whenver I was physically ill
(謝謝載我去急診的朋友，學長、學弟、ER護士的幫忙，還有關心的電話和簡訊)
星期一QID吃scanol 被逼喝了苦茶和銀耳蓮子湯
有好一點 但也沒低於37度
半夜被call醒去幫忙on endo時
我就知道燒還沒退
今天去全身推拿，烤箱排毒
回到家一量竟然是38.6
綁頭髮時髮帶又斷掉

總之
這些事情 就是讓我很anxious
沒讓爸媽知道不想讓他們擔心
即使熟識的朋友我也沒說什麼
不曉得該如何說出口這種很迷信的心態

I hope 這些霉運在出國前都趕快揮發掉
I don't like it.

my dopamine receptors were craving
it's a cycle
我試圖回想
上一次
令我thrilled的場景是什麼?
I couldn't remember

I put on my earphone...and listened,

"Looking out
Across the night-time
The city winks a sleepless eye

Hear her voice
Shake my window
Sweet seducing sighs

Get me out Into the night-time
Four walls won't hold me tonight
If this town Is just an apple
Then let me take a bite

If they say - Why, why, tell 'em that is human nature
Why, why, does he do me that way
If they say - Why, why, tell 'em that is human nature
Why, why, does he do me that way

Reaching out
To touch a stranger
Electric eyes are ev'rywhere

See that girl
She knows I'm watching
She likes the way I stare

Why, why, tell 'em that is human nature
Why, why, does he do me that way
If they say - Why, why, tell 'em that is human nature
Why, why, does he do me that way

I like livin' this way
I like lovin' this way

Looking out
Across the morning
The city's heart begins to beat

Reaching out
I touch her shoulder
I'm dreaming of the street

Why, why, tell 'em that is human nature
Why, why, does he do me that way If they say
Why, why, tell 'em that is human nature
Why, why, does he do me that way
I like livin' this way...................................."

I listened to him singing Human Nature, with his sweet and sexy voice
and couldn't feel more romantic

是怎麼一回事啊?

可以報告當天早上打通電話跟總醫師說
最近太累準備不出來不報了
要不就是準備不好還要怪case差
太簡單的case要嫌 太難的case也要嫌
意見會不會太多了啊???

我也很討厭報告
我也想過AAD很多次
我們都是這樣過來的 也是這樣成長的
倒不是說以前怎麼樣現在就得這樣
但一個星期前就確認這個case要報 兩個星期前就提醒你們可能要先準備
還可以有這麼多complaint
總醫師當的真沒尊嚴

哼...不想理你們了!

-----------------------------------
"你們兩個是友達以上 戀人未滿" 學弟手指著我和學長，不知道在笑什麼
"應該是你們兩個吧" 我指著學長和學弟
"是你們兩個才對吧" 學長指著學弟和我

我竟然身處史上最白爛之三角戀
該吃藥了..........

英國有黛妃
美國有Pop Star
西藏 有達賴喇嘛

不需要什麼記者會
他隨時都可以就地取材發表振奮人心的言論
頑皮、幽默、赤子之心、智慧老人
是我對致為宗教領袖的印象

在這個對岸打個噴嚏 台灣就重感冒
對岸放個屁 台灣就快薰死的時代
I feel pity for the victums of the politics
but as a Taiwanese people
對我自己而言
I feel happy to see his image on this island
and what he did for our people, on this island

或許有人 對於被衝擊到的聽奧和台灣經濟 有不同的聲音
I agree
只是 我們更應該弄清楚的是
exactly, who is to blame.
達賴是個宗教領袖? 抑或政治人物?
來台灣是救災? 還是作秀?
我甚至覺的他對於大陸當局的態度 是時而調皮、時而慎重的
只是這世界不應該只有一種聲音和一種schedule
當媒體關注於兩岸關係的損益時
是否正淡忘了 災民的損益