mysophobia 潔癖

今日與同事一同探視一位家暴受害者。拜訪當地的社區，讓我相當的震撼。三十戶人家擠在極小的破舊房舍裡，共用三間廁所。路過時廁所傳來的臭味令人一陣哀傷。 ...繼續閱讀

In the village mosque, grandmas thought I was waiting to pray. "Aslinipun pundi?" They asked. "Saking Taiwan," I said. As if it did not make any difference, a grandma asked me to wear the mukena she just took off, while making her praying rug for me. I could not retreat. I touched the soft mukena, thinking if only I had learnt how to salat. Then a voice came behind: "Menika sampun." I seconded, "Ya, Kula sampun." ...繼續閱讀

說Batik的在日惹的人家有人過世，所以活動辦不成。

不知道為什麼，我也不想重複那刻板印象，不過在這裡，真的太多的不確定性。雖然因人而異，但在這裡對於不確定性的接受度要高一點，即便是中產階級的生活也是如此。 ...繼續閱讀

熱情的最低點。總會有上升的時候。
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在戰爭時期，我看到了年輕時的我，如此輕塊敏捷不露憂傷。
至於作為間諜那段期間的我，最痛苦的事情莫過於無法確定你是生是死。 ...繼續閱讀

然而我的良心卻被狗吃了。至此以後，我到底是憑靠著甚麼而活著，就連我自己也不甚明瞭。

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Even if smelling is the least memorable among all human senses. When the memorable comes back, it is the most agonizing. She arrives at the city they used to be, and walks on the streets they used to linger about. She pretends everything is new and fresh. G is not here, as if he was never here. ...繼續閱讀

終於見識到雅加達塞車的嚴重性。周五，下午的伊斯蘭禱告後車潮湧入高速公路，但快速道路總是卡在中間，加上很多站設施停工的TransJakarta Busway。我與Hqq與馬來西亞友人及一位Indo(顯然已經不太會講印尼文，ditutup一直講成diclose，被我跟高職intern的女孩子們一直嘲笑)用過午餐後前往Jalan Surabay，買了一些古董，主要是VOC荷蘭東印度公司的貨幣，50年代舊照片，而Hqq買了一堆舊的地圖集，花了老半天與店家對峙殺價。Hqq算是Hard Core殺價老手，我通常很懶散，但在簇擁之下也跟著一直殺，殺到連店家都不得不投降，還說我pinter(精明)，哈哈大笑起來，顯然他是殺價殺得很過癮。

不過，四點要從古董市回家到Permata Hijau。一直到九點我才回到家。沒錯，雅加達，就是因為塞車。 ...繼續閱讀

She remembers they traveled across Formosa, to its southeast tip, hesitant to decide which piece of tiny peninsulas was its true end, when none of the future episodes of displacement could have been predicted. ...繼續閱讀

Because ia always comes back and forth between the two mountains, no one higher than the other, ia will only die in the river, the river that separates her dream castles and brings the fear coming forward to her, until some day when she knows how to love beyond fear.


Which is impossible. ...繼續閱讀

there is no "Thank you" in Sumbanese! And Nelden, the Sumbanese princess, adds that neither is there an expression of "Sorry"! ...繼續閱讀

"Enjoy these things as much as you can," says Neldan, when we walk in the fanciest new huge department store in Jakarta Pusat, Grand Indonesia. I am stunned by the decoration of the mall, but mostly reminded by the wealth gap in indonesia that always haunts me, a point only made clearer and clearer. Passing by Gucci, Chanel, Banana Republic and cosmetics counters including SKII and Lancome, I suddenly forget where I am, and why I am here. ...繼續閱讀

Discourses do not produce practices. Discourses can’t even explain discourses themselves. ...繼續閱讀

To ask to what extent humans are agents is a direct reflection of a humanism in our times. It obscures another question: how human beings are made subject in the first place. ...繼續閱讀

"They know immediately, but they don't know that they know."

"Rationality has its own reflexivity, and vice versa."
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有一陣子莎莉與傑森以為老黑狗杜比已經中風，大概不久人世了。就連獸醫也不看好這隻素來健康爽朗長命的黑狗。杜比某天在椅子後頭打了個冷顫，並無法抑制地漏尿到地面上。莎莉與傑森發現了這個令人意外的事實，一件老黑狗從來不會做的事情，即在房屋內裡頭驚慌地尿出來。她們發現他行動有異，判斷他必定是中風。

料想不到的事情有很多。其中也包含了我邁向二十五歲時一個最難以逃避，不是太淒涼但總是孤獨的事實:Homeless。
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法國在其公共領域中的'Muslim問題'常顯得突兀地"排外"與anti-pluralism以至於人類學者John Bowen出了一本新書題名為:Why the French don't like the headscarves?" 所以，到底為什麼法國人就那麼討厭伊斯蘭頭斤，硬生生要把大學女生個人的信仰表徵標記為'不合群 不愛國' '威脅' 甚至是 '野蠻'的象徵? ...繼續閱讀

政治伊斯蘭與新興中產階級(較邊緣與次主流的一群)的結合在土耳其是一種新的現象，因為在1980s年代以前，intellectual = westernized，因而Islam + middle-class + political movement是一種至Kemalism以降前所未有的組合。 這組合背後的政經發展如下概述。 ...繼續閱讀

原本以為離婚之後會是一場大風暴，但心靈卻有著平靜，儘管是古老的，生命齒輪轉動的聲音推磨著我存在的軌跡。也許是因為要離開美國前往印尼研究必須經過這ｒｅｄ　ｔａｐｅ各式官僚從贊助機構到印尼當地移民局，科學研究單位許可，一路到紐約大使館辦事處等等迷宮般的搜索，總是只有零亂不整難以取得的地圖與導覽，以及求救時收訊不良或溝通不良的冷漠回聲。我想我已經走到了迷宮的盡頭。而等待著我，在迷宮出口的，則是熱帶的叢林與籠罩在清真寺念經廣播的城鎮鄉村。 ...繼續閱讀