April 24,2005

孤僻 

DSC00699-1.JPG

圖片說明:不是個愛貓的人,只是覺得這張照片很有個性!

連續三天的寧靜,今天早晨因為T先生哥哥的來訪和T先生的周未計劃完全地打破,我想逃離這樣的噪音!於是來到辦公室,打開電腦和收音機,享受一個人的孤僻,我就是想要安靜一下。

睡不好,於是有些心浮氣燥,晚上不是惡/美夢連連,就是完全睡不著,明明累到頭痛,眼睛發酸,還是無法入睡,人其實很脆弱,輕易地就被品質惡劣的睡眠打敗! 沒有睡眠的夜,如果能夠維持某種程度的清醒讀些書,並不是那麼難過,起碼我還有些精力隨著作者的筆觸四處漫遊,這樣的結果只是早上醒來的模糊感和更加的受挫!不過一杯熱熱的咖啡總是可以帶來一些精力處理一天的事,這樣失眠的夜其實可以忍受,在沒有其它選擇之下!

最讓人難受的是那種既睡不著又醒不來的無助,因為太累,書讀不下,連思想都有些吃力,但腦子裡卻有停不了的畫面/思想轉換,不可控制地被腦子侵略,腦子和我跑著不同的流程,而我顯然居於下風!

於是造成了今天這樣尋求孤僻的局面。 有時候孤僻單純來自情緒上,不想說話,不想交際,不想寫作,不想起床,甚至希望被世界遺忘,就這樣一個人被放置在角落,不是自艾自憐而是一種像蛇脫皮時不愛被打擾的孤僻,一種讓長時間緊繃的發條一些輕鬆的權利!

 記得以前在新營半工半讀的時候,遇到難得的假期,總是喜歡一大早起床一個人騎著機車到嘉義看二輪片,吃著麥當勞,讓自已沈醉在電影的情節裡,手機或任何可以找到我的工具便自然而然地遺留在家裡!突然的消失和沉澱是個自已的一個禮物。 如果找不到我,那就算了!等充完電,我會回來!



Posted by itismyself at 樂多Roodo! │07:48 │回應(6)引用(0)胡說八道
樂多分類:旅行 共同主題:個人主義-雙重國籍-多變人格 工具:編輯本文
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Yeah, yeah, I feel the same way as well. Somehow I really hope that I can hide myself when I'm in Zurich. Don't really know how I can get involved in that Zurich big city. Anyway, but having the sleeping problem, like you do, isn't quite fun...
Hope you'll "get back" soon~
Best wishes from Swizerland!
Posted by Emma at April 24,2005 19:53
Hello, 又是我是Emma, 我的日記是在這裡http://diary.webs-tv.net/emmaswisslife
歡迎你有空來坐坐喔~
Posted by Emma at April 24,2005 21:57
hi, J,
(i remember J is for Jess??)
sorry for the long lost reply,,,, took a mental vacation and cleaning up my REAL life stuff,,
now feeling better, so tried to get back where i left...

so, i would like to ask if it's ok i add u on my links @ front page.

(i remember i wanted to ask you that,,, but forgot if i did...XD)

ps. which article can i read abt more back ground info abt u 2?? so i can learn more...
:)

and surprised what a coincidence abt this topic....with my situation...
Posted by Debby at April 24,2005 22:37
I felt kind of lazy lately as well. Felt don't want to talk and hang out with friends. I don't know if it's because of the weather or what..so, I went for a very short vacation from New York to Philadelphia. See something different makes me feel a little bit better.
Take care!
Posted by Maggie at April 26,2005 12:48
My reply may seem dated since you wrote this journal back in April. However, I can't help but expressing that I relate to your urge to stay anonymous. Modern technology has squeezed every ounce, every square inch, and every second of privacy we try to reserve for ourselves. After moving from Taiwan to US, I especially appreciate the private moments I have with myself, to explore, to meditate, or to be completely thoughtless. Good for you. One needs to learn how to spend time with oneself.
Posted by Kay at September 17,2005 16:28
Kay:
One also needs to learn how to befriend with oneself before going to the world. I am learning it and trying to get to know myself whom I hardly spent time with before. It is a progess when we get older and hopeful wiser.
Posted by T & J at September 19,2005 03:48