晨為拂曉．霧成山嵐

Sometimes I'm confused, too. To pick one foreign language to express myself first instead of my native like what I am doing now. My friend once told me that I should not give up writing in our mother tongue. Sure she is right and I refuse to admit that I've done that. The thing is, sometimes I just felt it's easier to write down my feeling in the 2nd language even though it's not perfect. After all, we can easily understand some simple rules in some simple words, can't we?

有時候，我也是個充滿困惑的人，竟然選擇了外語做為抒發情緒的第一選擇，而非母語，誠如現在我正在做的事。朋友曾經跟我說過別放棄用自己的母語寫作，當然她是對的，而我也不覺得自己會放棄。問題是，對我來說，即便它不盡完美，用這個外語寫些東西反而簡單許多。畢竟，一些簡單的道理不需用太艱深的文字即可了解，不是嗎？

Having fight is sort of sharing happiness, I'd like to believe that.

我寧願相信，吵架是分享幸福的一種方式。

That's my impression after C told me the big fight with her hubby last evening, or should I say yesterday morning to her. However, I didn't tell her my opinion about having fight at the moment as I knew that it wouldn't reduce her upset but showed my weakness while having relationship. Maybe she is right that I don't know her well enough as we've known each other for less than half an year, and I have no problem with that. All I can do is listening as I know most people need to have the way to let the emotion out (not everyone could torture themselves like me) whether it's bad or not.

聽了昨天晚上，或說是 C 昨天早上與她老公的吵架事件後，我有這樣的體認。然而當時我並沒有對她說我的感覺，因為這樣的說法對一個極度沮喪的人並無幫助，反而只是顯露自己在感情上的懦弱。也許她是對的，畢竟我們認識不到半年，又能認識多深呢？我對這點沒有疑慮。而我也知道大多數的人絕對需要傾聽（不是每個人都像我這麼能自虐的），無論那是好是壞，於是我只有傾聽。

Now I recalled that when I was a student, I always tried to comfort my classmates when they were upset about the grades and in fact I got worse. "Look! You got much better grade than I did, don't be upset!" I always said that. May I say that people never get satisfied with what they already got? No, the only explanation is people have different standard, and I have the lower one. I have to admit that I envy C that she got someone to fight with, which shows that they do care about each other. And I also admire that she has the strong personality to show what she wants by such forceful way. Compared with her, I was just too weak to have that chance to fight with J but keep myself silent or saying something bright and nice instead. I could think and act positive like before as that had brought us hope. In that case, of course I refuse to lose the faith, the only faith I'd rather to have. Otherwise, I really don't know what to do.

現在我回想起學生時代，當同學成績不好時，我總是扮演著安慰別人的角色，「你看，你的成績比我好太多了，別難過啦！」我總是這麼對那些對成績不滿意的同學說。我能說人們總是不滿現狀嗎？不，只能說每個人的標準不同，而我恰恰好是個低標準的人罷了。我必須承認我很羨慕 C 有個人可以跟她吵架，那表示他們是彼此關心著對方。同時，我也不得不欽佩她可以用強烈的手段清楚的表達自己想要的。畢竟相對而言，我是個太軟弱的人，軟弱到不敢給彼此吵架的機會，只有沉默與軟弱的話語以對。我可以像以前一樣繼續樂觀，讓正向的力量為我們帶來希望，視它為一個信仰，否則我真的不知該怎麼做。

What C complained, it looked like two different people suffered  from the difference, causing life tough, which happens all the time and everywhere in the world. Life is not all about happiness but pain and sadness, we'd get more if we appreciare them all. Still, wanna I believe it.

Don't give up so soon!

C 所抱怨的，像是關於兩個不同的人受困被不同的特質中，聽來熟悉，但它也隨時隨地不斷發生著，不是嗎？生命（生活）不全然只有快樂，還有痛苦與悲傷，我依然相信，如果我們珍惜所有，我們將獲得更多。

別太早放棄！