October 29,2006
Hallelujah

晚上餵狗,看電視,逛夜市,回家吃烤雞脖子,看《六呎風雲》,洗澡,關門熄燈進房間。突然嘴巴乾渴,有著強烈的慾望想喝可樂,於是騎車出門。回程的路上,深夜昏黃的街燈、迎面而來的清冷空氣、嘴裡殘存的烤肉味,我的耳朵跟大腦說想聽 Jeff Buckley 唱的 Hallelujah。
完全沒有道理的連結性。
我回到房間,點起檯燈。一瓶開著的可樂佇立在桌面,音響播放著這首歌,重複播放模式。這首歌是詩人歌手 Leonard Cohen 所作。總有這種極少見的情況,翻唱竟會超越原唱。Cohen 還活著,而 Buckley 去世快十年了。
Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley
Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew her
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Well baby I've been here before
I’ve seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you?
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew is Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah…
隨著他的歌聲,思緒又飄蕩到幾日之前。下著細雨的初夜,我坐在淡水堤防邊的星巴克二樓陽台。黑夜裡,對岸的燈光閃爍。一波一波的潮浪聲規律襲來,這首歌從喇叭傳出。
這天上午我看了一部屁股被槍開花的動畫電影試片,在淡水竟就看到前桌背對著我坐的女性露出醜陋的股溝,那在我的眼前,避都避不了。動畫裡小西的屁股比她的可愛多了。嘴裡是平淡難嚥的美式咖啡,陽台的位置一直空不出來。賭氣著一定要坐到陽台,抽三根菸然後離去。
在室內不知等了多久,最後外頭的顧客終於離去。將東西搬移,面向河坐著,用剛買的火柴點起菸。然後就是這首歌。一切都可以被原諒了,雨、那個股溝、難喝的咖啡、等待,都被原諒了。
我閉上雙眼,無意識地抽著菸,讓思緒再次潛入記憶之流,回想另一條河流,那條吞噬了 Jeff Buckley 的河流。
兩年多前,五月初夏的曼菲斯,我躺在密西西比河岸邊的公園草地上,望著黃昏的天空。當年他只是下河游泳而已,卻轉眼消逝,一個星期後,他的身體漂浮在河面。那年他才三十歲,已經比他的父親 Tim Buckley 多活了兩年。我對自己這樣說。似乎只要豎起耳朵專注聽,便可以聽見河水流動以及 Jeff 的歌聲,還有死亡。
許多年過去,Jeff Buckley 依然是三十歲。而我快三十了。
引用URL
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