午夜的天堂酒吧

明知道會傷害自己的事，還硬著頭皮去做，是不是就是所謂的「犯賤」？

今天看著一個我曾經喜歡對象的新聞台
當然新聞台的文章又是他如何懷念他的舊愛
我突然了解，原來真正吸引我的類型
就是那種外表看起來很憂鬱，最好還是對舊愛念念不忘
自己仔細想想，不禁莞爾大笑
我根本就是自己「犯賤」！
因為吸引我的，就是因為他對舊愛念念不忘的情懷
既然他還無法忘懷，那又怎麼可能喜歡我
我才突然恍然大悟，原來我一直困在這樣的循環當中
回想起我跟第一任分手後，曾經有一個學弟想追我
即使分手是我提的，還是很難從兩年感情中回復過來
所以對於學弟的追求並沒有回應
後來想想，其實學弟條件也不差，只能說時機不對
結果沒想到後來我的感情投射竟落入這樣的一個模式
若不是自己犯賤，那該如何解釋？


我在看對方新聞台的時候，剛好放的是Lori Carson的Fell Into The Loneliness
Lori Carson真的是一位非常時運不濟的歌手典型
她的創作實力堅強，作品也都相當具有特色
我個人是覺得很像acoustic風格的Tori Amos加Bjork
雖然樂評都給予超高評價，無奈市場反應非常冷淡
Lilith Fair讓許多女性創作人登上主流舞台
但流行市場卻始終錯過Lori Carson
去年Lori Carson發行的Stolen Beauty是她個人首張精選
收錄多首電視影集插曲


Fell Into The Loneliness是典型Lori Carson式的悲傷情歌
連AMG網站替Lori Carson音樂的第一種分類就是Melancholy
可見她的作品都是非常悲情
點播這首歌是因為，也許我的內心是非常害怕寂寞的
我常常都表現的很開心，在辦公室都是大家的開心果
其實我是要隱藏內心真正的寂寞
也正因為如此，我才會被帶有憂鬱氣質的人吸引
因為我在他們身上看到真正的自己



Lori Carson / Fell Into The Loneliness


I should have had faith
I should have taken a chance
I should have laughed


I should have risked something
I should have kissed you
I should have told you
I should have let you know


Instead I fell and fell
And fell into the loneliness
I fell and fell and fell
Into the loneliness
I know so well


I could hear your laughter
I could see your breath
I could taste the winter
I could feel my heart race


Do you think that we could fall
And fall into each others arms
Just fall and fall and fall
Into each others arms
Who would it harm?


There were all these voices in my head
They said he won't so don't even try
Then listed all the reasons why


Snow was on the ground
You were in my reach
Walking there beside me
I should have turned and smiled


Instead I fell and fell
And fell into the loneliness
I fell and fell and fell
Into the loneliness
I fell and fell and fell and fell
I fell and fell and fell and fell



2004/03/30