魔術師手記

我對打擊樂，特別是鼓樂，的著迷，讓我有時候擔心，我是不是有法西斯的基因在血液裡流著。

中午，十二點半，在這個原本安靜的小城裡，從外頭的街上，傳來了顯然是個非常大的陣仗的打擊樂團，看到了的景象，讓我的擔心一下子都不見了。

街上，看過去，還是像以往一樣，絕大多數是學生，偶爾有些家庭裡的父母帶了小孩，相當素樸的小城。不過，不一樣的是，有一群學生走在市中心主要的街上，浩浩盪盪的，有男有女，有鮮艷豐富的衣著與裝飾及龐克的造型，也有相當優雅的、清閒簡單的裝扮，大家看著他們，不只是因為這一大群人在這小城裡很少見，也是因為他們的音樂。

這是一個同志的遊行。

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在巴黎，住在瑪黑，這裡是巴黎同志的大本營。生活裡經常看得到同志，就是我的生活裡，也有同志--我的鄰居就是個雙性戀，看到我時，她總是很優雅地給我的微笑，跟只聽到她的聲音，所想像的樣子，完全不一樣。

如果不是今天看到這群同志的鼓樂遊行，我對同志的世界，不會想太多，他們對我來說，就像是樓下阿爾及利亞老太太的「阿爾及利亞」的意思是一樣的，看到樓下老太太時說 Bon jour，看到年輕的鄰居，也一樣地說 Bon jour; 這還不是重點，重點，對我來說，它讓我不會擔心是不是我對鼓樂的著迷，與法西斯有關。

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高中時我去學了吉他。報名上了課，結果不到一個月，我就不學了。我總是跟人家說，因為吉他得要很用力地壓弦，手指弓起來，捲在一起，但我的手指太長，不好操作。其實，真正的原因是，個性不合，吉他太精緻的動作，對我這粗魯慣了的人來說，完全不搭。

一個月之後，我開始學爵士鼓，一直到我高中畢業。我喜歡那種震天作響的野性與力量，有時候那讓我感覺像是作為面對準備聯考的日子裡，對單調、規律的反抗，有時候，就只是因為，我喜歡。

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不過，學久了鼓，我漸漸有種感覺，也許鼓，不是作為對單調與規律的反抗，而是它在一方面作為反抗的同時，一方面又給了我的反抗，一種來自於我自已與這世界之間，體會了、貼心了的紀律。

我開始擔心了起來，是不是這種「又回到了紀律」的感覺，讓我喜歡鼓樂，讓我，有點，法西斯。



註:Bee Gees, 我最喜歡的樂團之一。附上1987年他們的一首歌，You win again，音樂裡，有非常震撼人心的鼓聲。


YOU WIN AGAIN

I couldn't figure why you couldn't give me what everybody needs,
I shouldn't let you kick me when I'm down, my baby.
I find out everybody knows that you've been using me,
I'm surprised you let me stay around you.
One day I'm gonna lift the cover and look inside your heart,
we gotta level before we go and tear this love apart.

There's no fight you can't fight this battle of love with me,
you win again,
so little time, we do nothing but compete.
There's no life on earth, no other could see me through,
you win again,
some never try but if anybody can, we can,
and I'll be, I'll be following you.

Oh girl, oh girl
Oh babe, I shake you from now on,
I'm gonna break down your defenses one by one,
I'm gonna hit you from all sides, lay your fortress open wide,
nobody stops this body from taking you.
You better be there, I swear,
I'm gonna be there one day when you fall,
I can never let you cast aside the greatest love of all.

There's no fight you can't fight this battle of love with me,
you win again,
so little time, we do nothing but compete.
There's no life on earth, no other could see me through,
you win again,
some never try but if anybody can, we can,
and I'll be, I'll be following you.

You win again,
so little time, we do nothing but compete.
There's no life on earth, no other could see me through,
you win again,
some never try but if anybody can, we can,
and I'll be, I'll be following you.

You win again,
so little time, we do nothing but compete.
There's no life on earth, no other could see me through,
you win again,
some never try but if anybody can, we can.

There's no fight you can't fight this battle of love with me,
you win again,
so little time, we do nothing but compete.

There's no life on earth, no other could see me through,
you win again,
some never try but if anybody can, we can,

There's no fight you can't fight this battle of love with me,
you win again,
so little time,....