消隱的痕跡令人玩味

The thoughts of Mary Jane - Made To Love Magic 2004 - Nick Drake

who can know the thoughts of mary jane
why she flies or goes out in the rain
where she's been and who she's seen in her journey to the stars
who can know the reasons for her smile
what are her dreams when they've journeyed for a mile
the way she sings and her brightly coloured rings
make her the princess of the sky
who can know what happens in her mind
did she come from a strange world and leave her mind behind
her long lost sighs and her brightly coloured eyes
tell her story to the wind
who can know the thoughts of mary jane
why she flies or goes out in the rain
where she's been and who she's seen in her journey to the stars
---

很喜歡的一首歌。無語形容的魅力。
或許是我又不小心投射到 Nick Drake 的 Mary Jane 裡。　　

Nick Drake 是一位華年早逝的英國民謠歌手。
深受憂鬱之苦，1974，26 歲，用藥過量死在床上。
又一個死後才受到重視的創作才子。後來，大家都說他是民謠界的傳奇。
生前出了三張不賣的專輯，後來都成了五顆星經典之作，未曾絕版過。
1.Five Leaves Left 1969 ∕ 2.Bryter Layter 1970 ∕ 3.Pink Moon 1972
似乎撥開了烏雲，而受困擾的情緒卻始終未曾離開，以致他最後走向的預告。

前年吧？偶然的，買了一張 Way to Blue : An Introduction to Nick Drake 1997。
是封面那張照片：站在幽靜森林的男孩姿態。

買回來沒聽幾次，倒是查了一些關於 Nick Drake 的資料。
他的人和他的歌都令人感到憂傷至極。是矛盾的，想多聽點，又害怕這一種無形的陷溺。
已經很低潮的人如執意聽他的歌，可能會不斷累積「一點都不快樂，活著很痛苦」的情緒。
只恨認識他太晚，也很不是時候，所以尚有理智的我告訴自己應該把他留待未來，
將那悲傷但乾淨的吉他聲，和溫柔但鬱心的嗓音，暫時埋藏在內心某個角落裡。

前兩天，決定了一些事情後，我跟你要了專輯，想聽聽不一樣的音樂。
你傳了 Made To Love Magic 2004 一張 Nick Drake 記念專輯給我。
才聽起，過去留下的小痕跡就開始襲腦。這多麼奇妙呀！似乎未來的這一刻終於到來了！
然而，現在的我，沒有了當初極度失落的感覺，反而對這些突如其來的回顧感到會心一笑。
特別是當我聽到 Nick Drake 悠悠淡淡地唱起 The Thoughts of Mary Jane 這首歌，
試著理解，直到驚覺眼眶依然泛著淚光，那還是釋懷的，沒有哀愁的氣氛圍繞著我。

想形容他的歌，用季節。
在春天聽起來，像微風吹拂著臉龐，帶著些些香氣如同情人離開前在額頭上留的溫柔一吻；
在夏天聽起來，像三點半過後的暖陽，潤紅的光照耀每個人在土地上拖著長長的斜影；
在秋天聽起來，像清晨街樹上的葉不斷地落到地面一片又一片，感嘆著生命的消逝；
在冬天聽起來，像固執站在冷冽刺骨的細雨中，任由小水滴打在自己身上直到全身濕透。
唉呀！不論在哪個季節聽，他的歌都輕易地穿透了你當時的心境。

如此一首首聽下去，我已不想離開他的聲音，完全著迷。

很認真的想著，這一路走來，現在的我是甚麼樣子？那些樂觀與悲觀的交集。
雖然老是嚷嚷對很多人事物的幻滅，爾後，總愛把一切歸類在不同的模式，自訂的標籤裡，
但，點點夢想，與曾經輕狂的渴望，還是有被自己緊握在手裡、深放在心裡。
知道，不能放棄，自己還在面對人生無知的疑惑與嘲解；自己還在追求對生活堅持的態度。
知道，不管有沒有走到疲憊，都要記得停下腳步休息一會，然後才能有足夠的勇氣再往前邁進，
後來才明白，這其實非常不容易，甚至極為辛苦難耐。
知道，妥協應該是為了讓自己更加接近理想，而不是拋棄信仰。
知道，如果沒有一個可靠的旅伴在身邊聆聽你從內心發出的真正聲音，互相對話，
那麼就沒有人可以見證你走過的這一段又一段帶有冒險精神所進行的神秘小旅程。
見證，是何等重要的事阿！而我也會是你的可靠伴旅嗎？
知道，一句話或一首歌，都足以影響一個人在人生重覆的分叉點選擇了某部份將來的命運。
就算那些話那些歌都可能只是繁星一點、微不足道，一如我們所知道的。
但只是一把小鑰匙，珍貴的等同於之前與之後一把又一把的鑰匙，
開啟或上鎖我們的人生，向外又向內的一扇小窗口。
---

all about Nick Drake
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nick_Drake
www.brytermusic.com
www.nickdrake.com

我們都知道再也沒有人能像 Nick Drake 唱的那麼令人心碎。
如果你是脆弱的人，請準備好再聆聽 Nick Drake 的靡靡之音。

Five Leaves Left 1969 - River Man 憂傷指數 ★★★★


Betty came by on her way
Said she had a word to say
About things today
And fallen leaves

Said she hadn't heard the news
Hadn't had the time to choose
A way to lose
But she believes

Gonna see the river man
Gonna tell him all I can
About the plan
For lilac time

If he tells me all he knows
About the way his river flows
And all night shows
In summertime

Betty said she prayed today
For the sky to blow away
Or maybe stay
She wasn't sure

For when she thought of summer rain
Calling for her mind again
She lost the pain
And stayed for more

Gonna to see the river man
Gonna to tell him all I can
About the ban
On feeling free

If he tells me all he knows
About the way his river flows
I don't suppose
It's meant for me

Oh, how they come and go
---

Five Leaves Left 1969 - Day is Done 憂傷指數 ★★★★★


When the day is done
Down to earth then sinks the sun
Along with everything that was lost and won
When the day is done

When the day is done
Hope so much your race will be all run
Then you find you jumped the gun
Have to go back where you begun
When the day is done

When the night is cold
Some get by but some get old
Just to show life's not made of gold
When the night is cold

When the bird has flown
Got no-one to call your own
Got no place to call your home
When the bird has flown

When the game's been fought
You speed the ball across the court
Lost much sooner than you would have thought
Now the game's been fought

When the party's through
Seems so very sad for you
Didn't do the things you meant to do
Now there's no time to start anew
Now the party's through

When the day is done
Down to earth then sinks the sun
Along with everything that was lost and won
When the day is done
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